Try
by juls-emo
Summary: Loki will lead an army against Asgard. (other genre/warnings: Loki centric,Slash THUNDERFROST! Angst, Tragedy, Poetry, violance; in later chapters, characters death) Read and review! ;)
1. Prologue

A/N: Hello again! :) I just wanted to say at this point that I had this idea for such a long time but now I 've finally decided to write it down.  
I want to thank my lovely beta-reader aeron4 again, for giving me courage and new ideas ^^  
thank you my dear!

.  
.nothing is mine, all is fiction.  
Read, have fun and please do not forget to leave a review!  
-je

* * *

I was falling.  
The falling seemed endless.  
The darkness was engulfing my whole being.  
I didn't even know if I had my eyes closed or if the sheer darkness made me unable to see anything at all. But I didn't care anymore.  
All I knew was that I was falling and there was nothing between me and the shadows of obscurity.  
I was lost to the abyss.

I didn't know how much time has passed but I tried to open my eyes again and there was light.  
Even though it seemed very dark, compared to shiny Asgard, at first, this strange gloomy light was blinding, like it was reflected by something.  
I tried to get up but my body seemed so heavy. I couldn't move, I couldn't lift my arms or legs, it felt like I was completely immobilized.  
I moved my head to one side and I fixed my gaze on the rocky view of a strange, dark, gloomy and lonely realm. The only company I had was ice and snow. The only blanket that was wrapping itself around my body was the blazing freezing storms.  
I felt the pain of utterly devastation. I felt so lost and lonely like never before.  
This landscape, so different to the golden, shining beauty of Asgard made me miss my home so much that it broke my heart even more.

I was too captivated by my thoughts of misery that I missed the approaching group of men.

''There he is! He fell and hasn't moved since then. What shall happen to him?''

Just when I realized someone talking I turned my head and saw some dark figures standing right in front of me. Dark masks were covering their faces and they wore furs around their shoulders. I also didn't miss that their skin was dark blue and through a tiny slit in each mask I saw red eyes glowing down on me. Deep lines were engraved in their skin, they looked rather mystical to me.  
''Where did you come from? Speak!'' one of the Jotuns spoke harshly.

My mouth felt strangely dry and my throat hurt when I tried to answer. ''I am Loki...''

''Loki! Of Asgard!'' Another Jotun barked. ''Do you believe it?!''

''What brings you to our realm so far away from Asgard?''

I was quiet for a moment. The truth pained me and speaking about it would only make it more real.

''Speak Asgardien!''

''I ... I fell into the shadows... They probably think me dead.''

One of the Jotuns stepped closer and lifted me by the collar. ''They will be surprised to hear you are alive then. Won't they?'' I was confused. ''What do you mean? I was banished. They may be surprised but I could never return to Asgard.''  
The Jotun let go of my collar, and let me fall back down to the hard ground and turned to his companions.  
''We will take him with us. I think the King will be most surprised and happy to finally see him again. Bind him and take him back to the castle!''

I was still too weak to protest so I let them do whatever they wanted.  
They bound my wrists and my ankles. After they finished their work one large bulky Jotun took the liberty of lifting my weak broken body over his shoulders to carry me back to where ever they came from.

''May I ask most humbly where you are planning on taking me? And who are you? And why will the King be happy to see me _again_, I have never met him before... I don't even know where I am!'' I asked. I still felt dizzy and weak; the fall was taking its toll on me. I felt drained, empty and so _very_ tiered. I think that if I had all my senses together I would have been able to deduce where I was, and where I was taken, but in my current state I felt incapable doing anything.  
I think it must have been the leader who turned to me and with red gleaming eyes, which shone through his mask. He said, '_'You_ are in Jotenheim... Where did you think you are? We are going to take you to King Laufey. I'm sure he wishes to see his lost son again,... my Prince.''

I felt my mouth go dry. Jotenheim!  
How in the name of Hel did that happen!?  
''Then why did you bind me? I mean you saw that I was too weak to run away.''  
''We just wanted to make sure that our lost Princling makes it back to the castle safe and sound.''  
''And in one piece!''  
''Yea! Wouldn't want one of the Ice wolfs to eat ya pretty face!''  
They all started laughing in the ugliest way I could describe.  
I was not really sure if that was supposed to calm my nerves.

When we finally reached the castle I didn't feel my arms or my legs anymore. The grip that the Jotun had on my already weak body was brutal. I felt so sore.  
I held my head low and when he finally let me down it felt like I might pass out any moment.

''My King! Look who we found! It is our long lost Prince indeed! He has returned to us!''

On this instant I heard fast steps approaching.

''Can this be?! Why then are his hands bound and why gives his face the impression of being tormented?''

''He told us that he was banished from Asgard...We just wanted to make sure that he gets back here safely...''

''Undo the ropes immediately, you idiot!''

''Y..Yes, milord!''

I felt the ropes being undone and one of the Jotuns helped me to sit up straight.  
I was looking around, the icy halls of the castle gave me the feeling of misery and loneliness.  
After turning back I turned my gaze upon the face of King Laufey.  
His face gave the impression of fascination and happiness,.. well, as much happiness as a Jotun is able to show.  
King Laufey turned to the guards and the men that brought me here. ''Leave us alone.'' He turned to me again. Suddenly I found such fondness in his eyes that I was baffled. ''We have much to talk about. - My son.''

''I am not your son.''

There was a killing quietness falling upon the hall.  
''I know that you might feel that way. But I am your father. Odin took you away from Jotunheim when you were a baby. You will not remember those days of war and fear, you were too young.''  
''Odin told me everything... rather, I found out that I was never one of the Aesir. But still, they are my family. No matter how much pain I had to endure because of them... '' pained with the memories I turned my head away from King Laufey and tried to avoid his burning red eyes.  
''So you know the truth then. I am not asking you to call me father ...I just want you to listen to me. I wish to tell you the story from my perspective. I wish to tell you about Jotunheim and your origins.''  
I was unsure of what to do and what to say.  
After reflecting for a short moment, I thought that I have already lost everything, I had nowhere to go, and who of the Aesir would shed a tear if I had died? What lies ahead in my future? What will happen to me?

.

Shall I ever lay eyes upon the green fields, down by the great river, with their grass still a bit damp of morning dew? When my fingers glide through the softest green carpet laid out by nature I felt content. I laid my head back down to gaze upon the firmament, which gave the impression of being on fire. Never will I forget those colours which will always burn my mind. They set my heart ablaze.  
Seeing those wonders gave me the feeling of being nothing but a little chess piece in a greater game, unmoving, unable to ever compare to the eternal beauty that shall even remain when I shall no longer be - Like the rumbling of your thunder and the blinding light of your lighting – That will always shine down onto the mortal world.  
Shall I ever lay foot in the great marble halls again? The morning chill was touching my skin as I walked through the palace and my only company was the omnipresent solitude – It was still too early for any of the great Gods to be awake yet.  
Slowly I took tentative steps towards the great balcony to look out and watch Asgard rise.  
White – Everything around me was white and gold. Gleaming, shining – it was like being held captive in the most glorious dream. And you never want to wake up.  
The marble held me captive. In more than one way.  
There is one room in the great palace that is rarely visited, but it was my favourite.  
The royal library was the most beautiful place in Asgard.  
When the doors were closed behind me and I was on my own, I started to dream. I read one book after another; I dreamt of all the places that they were taking me. I've already been everywhere.  
Shall I ever hold you in my hands again to caress your cover, to open you up, turn page after page in front of the gleaming, warm, golden fire? What will happen to you now when I'm gone? Who will come on your journeys to Vanaheim? Who will listen to your myths of long lost times? Who will look after you? I doubt that those oafs have time to indulge themselves in reading, when drinking, coupling and fighting are so much more important.  
My heart aches at these thoughts.  
But that is not the only thing that makes my heart ache.  
All that I had to endure; all the pain, shame, humiliation and disgrace that was loaded upon my shoulders by the Aesir.

I looked up to face King Laufey. He must have realized that I was having a mental battle.  
He was looking at me quietly, waiting for an answer.

Why shouldn't I spend some time here... where I was wanted.

''I will stay.''

.

.

King Laufey indeed took his time to show me the icy planes and as we strode over ice and rocks, which felt strangely natural to me after some time, we got to know each other better.  
He told me about Jotenheims history and its people. He told me about the old magic and how to use it. I was allowed access to all the libraries and the few remaining magic users had the greatest time with me. They showed me around and helped me to improve my skills.  
The weeks passed and I started to enjoy myself.  
Living in Jotenheim wasn't so bad after all.

One morning I woke up and got dressed in my usual black and green attire when I looked in the whole length mirror that was placed in my room.  
I looked at myself and let the magic flow through my veins. Like lighting it struck me in the most glorious way. I felt it run through my whole body and slowly my skin turned into a pale blue.  
I let my black leather cloak drop, next my tunic and then undershirt. It felt strange because my whole body slowly adapted to its surroundings. The coldness didn't feel cold anymore. My feet felt like they were meant to walk on the icy ground all along. I moved my shoulders, my arms, my fingers. I tried to get a grip of what was happening to me.  
When I lifted my head to look at my face, I saw red eyes staring back at me.  
I took in a deep breath and inhaled the frosty air that was surrounding me.

I was Loki,...Prince of Jotenheim.

.

TBC


	2. Chapter 1 - try and live

Years have passed and I'm still living in Jotenheim.

I spent my time in long leisurely walks over the ice planes; where nature seems still untouched. Rough winds blow through my hair, and with every raging blow of the frosty breath the fresh snow gets dishevelled. The solitude that was accompanying me on those walks was different from the loneliness that I've felt in the marble halls of the shining city of Asgard. I felt free. I took in a deep breath and the fresh cold air is filling my lungs. I looked around and all I can see is white.  
It reminded me of Asgard. And some kind of sadness filled my heart. It reminded me of white marble and the white pages of books – never read before. It reminded me of linen sheets safely wrapped around tangled limbs bathing in the morning sun.  
White will always remind me of you.

I grew accustomed to living in Jotunheim. I got used to the people, the castle, the ice and snow, the customs, the traditions and my new family. I developed a rather close relationship with Helbindi my Brother in blood. We actually had much in common. It was nice to have someone that I could turn to, when the pressure of this new life, that I had to adapt to, got too hard.

Still – I felt the heaviness of an oncoming depression pressing on my chest. I felt the anger welling inside me; it was growing day by day. The painful thoughts of being so utterly neglected by people who once called them self my family was highly disturbing and wouldn't give me a single moment of peace. Even though I was happy with King Laufey and my Brother Helbindi, I just couldn't stop thinking about Asgard.

Golden hair, blue eyes and hands which would tenderly caress my cheek would haunt my dreams.  
Every morning I would wake; soaked in cold sweat, tears in my eyes and your name just a whisper on my crisp lisps.

After some time Helbindi questioned me about my sleeping habits. But I didn't even have to tell him what was bothering me. It seemed that he noticed the dark circles under my eyes which spoke more of my horrible nights and my heart then I wanted to let on.  
I know Helbindi meant well when he said I should move on and find a new love... but I doubt that I will ever love anybody with such a burning passion which I have felt for you. You filled me with feelings I have never felt before.

Love is such a cruelty. It is death to ones heart and mind. It makes us feels, makes us excited, makes us do and feel the weirdest things. I was,... I am in love. I will never stop being in love.  
Now that all the love is drained from my black poisoned heart where did all those passionate feelings of affection go? You took them with you. Hide them away on the bottom of the deepest cave, never let me see them again. Let me rot with them. Let me die with the love we once shared and that will never be again.  
But in my dreams we are together again and in those glorious unbelievable few moments I bath in your godly shining presence that cannot be compared to anything in the nine realms.  
In my dreams your hand is caressing my cheek and I am able to feel your kiss again.  
You are gentle and just a second before the cruelty of the world pulls me back I hear your voice whispering my name in the sweetest way.  
Love is such a cruelty.

But still I was alive.

I guess that my beloved Oaf... and the other godly Idiots, those; narrow minded, blind to everything that is going on around them, golden, shining – _good for nothing_ – heroes, who knows what for Gods! Oh, how I still abhor them all! ... Still; haven't realized that I was still alive.  
I wished that Jormungard would swallow them all. I wished that they would just _rot_ in his belly and with that - gave my mind some glorious peace. Ha! That would be just lovely.

''Loki? You have a mad grin on your face... What mischief are you planning? Should I run and hide?''  
''Are you trying to be funny Helbindi?''  
''I'm sorry Brother. Tell me,.. What were you thinking about? ''  
''You know me... Just how to best take over a realm with less physical strain, how to avoid stress, what to eat for lunch... oh yes and my sexual frustrations of late.''  
''Oh! Do you miss Thor? Oh and let me know about that... what was it .. taking over another realm thingy.. Sounds interesting.''  
I shook my head at him, but we both couldn't hold back laughter at our rather stupid conversation.  
After we calmed down I realized that my Brother was looking at me a somewhat serious expression.  
''So.. do you miss him?'' He asked me.  
I tried to avoid his gaze.  
''You know you can tell me everything, Loki.''  
I tried to burn holes into the wall opposite me, just to avoid his gaze, which I knew was still fixed upon me.  
''I know you pretty well by now. You do miss him. And even though you say that you hate the Aesir, you love them... And that's ok, Loki. You grew up there. They are your family. If you miss them just say so. If you miss Frigga, Odin and Thor say so. But don't just sit there and stare...''  
I interrupted him ''They are not my family! You are my family. I am a Jotun. I never was one of the Aesir! They lied to me,... my whole life was filled with lies! How can you say it's ok?! Nothing is ok!  
Yes, yes I'll admit I miss Thor. More than I ever thought possible. And it hurts! It hurts that _nobody_ is looking for me! That ... _he_... is not looking for me. Are you happy now?''  
''Actually, yes.''  
I stared at him. Wide eyed and mouth slightly agape. ''Excuse me?''  
''Well you will be pleased as well I hope when I tell you that an Asgardien Ambassador, with cohort, is going to visit us tomorrow to welcome our new Prince, and that Odin and Father are going to meet for peace negotiations in the following month.'' He was so overly enthusiastic about this topic that he seemed to jump up and down on his seat in a child-like eagerness.  
''I think I'm going to be sick.''  
''With happiness I hope...''  
''No definitely not... Are you kidding me? They will visit tomorrow and you decided to tell me now? Now, that I've told you about my ill feelings towards all those godly oafs?''  
''And your wounded heart, your longing to see Thor again and ...''  
He moved towards me, took me into his arms and hugged me close. ''...Oh my poor brother... your love, so far away, but do not fret! I will help ...''  
''If you say one more word, I'll rip out your tongue and eat it for lunch.'' I smirked and playfully glared at him. ''Now that sounds disgusting, even for you Brother.''

I hugged him back and moved back a little to free myself from his crushing embrace.  
''I'm sorry Helbindi. But you know I do not like to talk about this.''  
I moved his head to one side, so it looked as if it laid on his shoulder.  
''I knooow, but what will you do if Thor is the Asgardien Ambassador? Wouldn't you like to see him again? What if was looking for you all this time? Aren't you excited?''  
''It seems to me that you are more excited than me.''  
Helbindi threw his head back and laughed out loud. He put his hands on his waist. After collecting himself he spoke again ''It seems so indeed! I have to admit; I am very excited.''  
I shook my head. ''How comes everybody gets so thrilled when something happens to me. Sometimes it seems that I just have to enter the room and everybody's eyes are fixed on me like they are waiting for me to do or say something?!'' I couldn't hold back the laughter anymore. This whole topic seemed utterly ridiculous to me.  
Helbindi grinned. ''Well you know we do not really have that much entertainment here in Jotenheim. I am sure you have discovered that by now. When you, the poor, banished, lost, little prince, have returned, that was quite some excitement. I guess that everybody is waiting for another wonder for you to perform.''  
''Oh, well, I'll try my best. I guess I should read up on that; something like; how to perform wonders or something?''  
''That will do nicely.'' Helbindi grinned.  
'' And I was never poor, lost or LITTLE! I'm royal and great. I am still the God of mischief. How, in Hel's name, can anyone think of ME as lost and little?!'' I exclaimed in playful anger.  
''Haha! I knew that would drive you mad!''

Our brotherly bickering continued for quite some time but after discussing such very 'serious matters of great importance' we decided to move to the throne room. I wanted more information, about the following day and the Asgardien Ambassador, which I was quite sure my father could provide.

As it seemed he indeed awaited us already.  
He sat on his throne and as we entered through the huge doors he greeted us both with a smile.  
''I was waiting for you. Helbindi told you about the Asgardien Party that is going to visit us tomorrow?''

The throne room was an immensely large room, probably the largest hall in the entire castle.  
Held up by immensely huge walls and pillars, floor and ceiling made of ice, the hall was glistering in dark and light blue.  
The walls made out of thick bricks of ice, were shining in the most beautiful dark blue when the sun was reflected in them.  
The large windows let through not only the frosty breath of Jotenheim but also the radiant glow, the few warming beams of sun.

''Yes indeed, he told me. That is why I've come. I've hoped you might tell me more about this.''  
''Of course Loki. Come. Sit with me my sons. I hope that we can talk about tomorrow and what might follow.''  
Helbindi stepped forward ''Of course father.''  
We followed Laufey to a little group of chairs.

After a short moment of silence Laufey seemed to decide that it was time to start the discussion.  
''I got a message.''

We both stared at him and waited for him to continue.

''I got a message from Odin.'' His gaze was suddenly fixed on me. ''It seems that they know of the new Prince of Jotenheim. Your mysterious and sudden appearance seemed to make quite the turmoil. That seemed reason enough for the Aesir to show interest in Jotenheim again and in negotiation.''  
Laufey fell silent for a moment before continuing. It seemed that he had to collect his thoughts.  
''Somehow it is a blessing... On the other hand I don't know how you feel about being so exposed to the Aesir. It is very unexpected I have to admit. But I have to admit that peace with Asgard is something that I have desired for such a long time. Not only for myself, but also for my people... for Jotenheim. We have seen far too many wars... too much death; too much blood has been spilled. ''

Helbindis hand fell heavy on the table in front of us. ''Father! Those are great news! Do not let your heart be clouded with heavy feelings of sadness or uncertainty! I'm sure that the outcome of this negotiation will be fortunate! Do you not think so too Loki?!''

I was snapped out of deep thoughts of doubt and fear by Helbindis enthusiasm. ''Yes. Yes of course. It is just like Laufey said... I am just a bit afraid of seeing them again. How will they react upon seeing me again? I don't even know how I might react... Did they mention who they will send for this great matter?'' I was not afraid of talking about feelings with Laufey and my brother. I didn't feel fear of rejection or being laughed at like I sometimes felt at Asgard. I knew that they took me serious and that they would listen.

Laufey nodded, ''They did mention it...''

I understood immediately. They would send Thor.

''Of course! Who else would they send!? I am cursed... I must be! That is just horrible!'' I exclaimed while jumping up from my chair and started pacing around the great hall. I didn't stop my mumbling while I was walking around in a nervous fast pace and was trying to rip out my dishevelled black hair.

Laufey and Helbindi watched with a worried expression.  
''We should talk to him.'' Laufey said, obviously worried about the disturbing behaviour of his youngest son. He knew, of course, about the obsessive love that Loki still felt for the God of Thunder.  
''Let him walk a bit. He will calm down... I hope.''

.

TBC


	3. Chapter 2 - try to see part 1

It was early afternoon when the Asgardien party arrived at Jotenheim.  
I came to realize that I was not the only nervous wreck, my brother Helbindi and Laufey were just as anxious as I was. Well, probably not as nervous as I was, because I just found that hard to believe that anybody felt the way I did the moment I saw the blinding light when the Bifröst opened and 4 people stepped out to set foot on the ice.

''Helbindi!''In a frantic, anxious way I gripped my brothers biceps and pulled him towards me. ''Helbindi!'' I repeated only to emphasise how serious I was.  
''What is it brother?'' He grinned at me. Obviously he had the greatest time.  
''Would you do me a favour and try to be serious for just a second? I really don't think I want to be here right now...''  
''Are you kidding me? This is important! And I thought that you want to see him again? We talked about this last night, for hours. I thought you were ready?''  
I fidgeted around, switched from one foot to the other just to look to the approaching Asgardiens and feel my heart flutter in the most horrible way.  
''No.. no I don't think I am ready.. You know what? Tell them I am sick. Please brother you have to do this for me. I really do not think I could face him like this...''  
With this I turned around and left the scene. I didn't even wait for an answer from Helbindi.

.  
.

''Where did Loki go?!'' Laufey looked around. Already on the edge, but now that he's just realized that his youngest had left the scene he was highly unnerved.  
Helbindi let out a breath, of which he didn't even know he was holding, shook his head and nodded his head towards the faster approaching Asgardiens.  
''He lost his nerves.'' Helbindi bowed his head low. Even though some might say he was rough, loud, always sticking his nose into other people business and was always involved in some kind of fights – Helbindi knew that his loyalty would always have to lie with his father, the King of Jotenheim and he, as crown prince, knew his place very well. He knew when it was appropriate to speak, how to speak and when speaking was not necessary at all – but when weapons were needed. He knew that right now he had to stand by his father's side, because he could literally feel the man's nervousness vibrating towards him.  
He knew that his father feared that this negotiation might have a bad outcome and that this might lead to war. His father's mind travelled to his people, Jotenheims future and Loki.  
He also was afraid what the future might bring for his younger brother.  
He had to admit that he wasn't so please when suddenly all the attention was taken from him and everybody was fixed on this 'new comer'.  
But after some time, and long walks through the ice dessert, combined with interesting conversations, he got to know Loki better. They got to know each other better.  
Helbindi never thought it possible because it's not really usual for Jotuns to develop such feelings of love and affection for family members. Loyalty, and adjustment towards each other within a clan that always seemed very usual and plausible for him.

But with Loki, it was different for Helbindi for the first time. He loved his little brother dearly. He wanted to be close to him, talk to him. He wanted to know all his secrets, and tell him his. He wanted to be there for him and make up for the lost time that they could have been together.  
The jokes, talks and walks with his little brother meant a lot to Helbindi and made him very happy. Even though he really wasn't the social butterfly and wasn't so capable of showing emotions of affections – but he was sure that Loki knew that he was loved.

.  
.

In Laufeys head some similar thought were spooking around.

'If they propose an ultimatum to us, what shall I say?  
If they make us surrender to their wants, what shall I do?  
All I want is peace, and safety for my people.  
Peace – Those long days and nights spent in worry and fear.  
Fear that the next blow of iron fists may hits us  
across our faces, rip open wounds - barely healed.  
Fear that the fires will start again,  
that burned the ice, made the skies bleed.  
The smell of burned flesh is still fresh in my nostrils.  
The sound of metal clashing, screaming, fighting,  
pushing, gashing , ripping open bodies -  
like they were nothing more than straw.  
The brave soldier grips his sword tight. Brave,  
strong, quick and fast. He cuts through flesh,  
tears of heads...  
The raging war has its own magic.  
The adrenalin rushes through my veins,  
the red essence of life drenches my clothes,  
makes me feel drunk  
like having too much from the sweetest wine.  
The clothes stick to my body,  
soaked with blood and sweat.  
When you feel that fury touch your heart,  
you want to give it fuel, give the fire of wrath something to burn.  
But there is no good war -  
The dead will line up,  
pile up like huge hills,  
like the icy rocks that make the cliffs of Jotenheims northern shores.  
They will haunt my dreams.  
The fallen warriors -  
fallen in a glorious battle,  
died for a glorious purpose.  
But was this purpose really that glorious?  
I stand here today to make amends.  
I long for peace.  
To much death I have seen.  
To much despair, horror and misery I had to witness.  
But I gave it fuel, I gave them reason for their hatred.  
It was I they hated.  
It was me they fought.  
I sent them to their senseless death.  
I should burn in Hel's realm for all my sins.  
I know that the day will come that the Queen of Niflheim will come for me.  
She will come, riding on her royal black Stallion, and will take me with her.  
But I'm prepared to burn in the flames of her darkness.

What does the future hold?  
It was all set out.  
I know that we mustn't fight our destiny.  
But I want to fight.  
I want to pretend a little longer that I can bring a change,  
for me, for us,  
for him... '

.  
.

''Father?''  
Far away I heard my son Helbindi speak to me.  
I turned my head to see his intense gaze fixed on me.  
I realized that the group of Asgardiens had arrived and now stood in front of us.  
''Father are you alright? You seemed captured by some deep thoughts.''  
I shook my head. ''No, no. All is fine.''  
I turned to the Asgardiens to greet them in a proper way. After bowing my head low, I looked up.  
''I greet thee, Thor Odinson, and of course all your fellow warriors. It is good to see you! With this negotiation, I hope that the long hatred between Jotenheim and Asgard, will be buried for good.''  
The Prince of Asgard also bowed to me in a friendly manner and looked at me with his hard warrior face. ''Yes indeed King Laufey. I have to say that the All-Father was happily surprised about your reply to his message. It is his greatest wish that the misery, hate, and war between our realms stops.  
It is our greatest hope that peace will be the outcome of this negotiation and trade, international discourse and cultural exchange may flourish.''

Not only Laufey was surprised at Thor's words. Helbindi stood, wide eyed, staring at the God of Thunder. He was ogling the Blond very intensely for any sign of discomfort or lies, but he found none.  
He actually wished Loki was here right now to see Thor and to hear him speak.

''Those words bring great happiness to my troubled heart. Let's move this to a more comfortable place.'' Laufey gestured towards the castle.  
Thor nodded. ''Of course.''  
With those last words the party departed towards the castle of Jotenheim.  
''Excuse this impertinent question, but news travel fast nowadays,... And we all heard about this new Price of Jotenheim. We thought that we might catch a glimpse of him today, but why is he absent when we talk of such important matters?'' Lady Sif walked next to Helbindi and couldn't hold back her excitement.  
Helbindi smiled at her enthusiasm ''It is true. We are all very pleased about our Princling. He is our new pride and glory, if I might be so prude to say so. But he seems to be a bit shy about so much excitement about his person, so please excuse his absents right now, but I am very sure that he will join us later for dinner.''  
The Lady warrior seemed pleased with this answer and they walked on in quiet silence.

.  
.

Locked up in my room, I contemplated what I should do next. I couldn't possibly stay in here the whole day – or even they whole time that the Asgardiens decided to stay here. For I was sure, that the negotiations would take longer than a single day. So what should I do?  
I buried my head under the enormous amount of pillows on my bed and decided to give myself up to misery.  
I fell asleep not long after my head hit the pillows but sleep didn't hold me captive for too long. As I woke up I felt a horrible pain burning in my head.  
I looked out of the huge window of my chambers and I saw dark clouds hanging in the sky.  
The sky was reflecting my mood.  
A storm was approaching.  
I stood from my bedding and slowly walked towards the open window to gaze out into the darken sky. The clouds were hanging low and heavy. In the distance I heard thunder rolling and I even saw some lightning. I felt enslaved by the sound of the far away thunder. Even though it was so far away it felt like the mighty thunder might struck me down any moment. I had the feeling as if you were right next to me, in a fury, angered by something and all the realms shall see and feel your rage.  
Struck by this thought I turned around, wide eyed, heavy breathing, thoughts were running crazy in my mind. I had to get to the negotiation as fast as possible.

.  
.

''How dare you speak to me in such a manner?! I am the crown prince of Asgard! You should watch your tongue,... Jotun.'' Thor spat out the last word only to emphasis his slowly growing rage. ''If I demand to know about the princes person and where he suddenly came from, then you will give me those information without greatly talking around the subject. You should know that when my father no longer is, that I will be the King of the nine realms.'' Thor felt angered by the disobedience of the crown prince of Jotenheim.  
Even if Helbindi wanted to make a joke out of this situation, to Thor it wasn't a joke anymore.  
Long hours they sat at this table talking about politics and discussing the future of Jotenheim and Asgard. One important part of the negotiation was that; if war might fall upon one of the realms; the other had to come for support and help. Of course this certain point took the longest to discuss because of differences and hundredth of 'what if's'.  
But up to now Laufey had to say that the negotiations didn't go to bad. Up to now... Because he knew that the questions about their new Prince would arise. And that was why _talking_ now went to _screaming_. He suddenly thought that Helbindis and Thors bad tempers were a very bad combination. His hand touched his forehead and prayed to all the gods that this day may be over soon – and that his son may not start a fight with the god of thunder.  
In that very moment the huge doors of the throne room flew open and his youngest son, Loki, stood there.  
All eyes were on him at an instant.

.

''Oh! Well, we were just talking about you! Glad you are finally able to join us. Come here! Come here!'' Helbindi looked overly happy to his brother and back to Thor with a somehow angry expression.  
''See,... I told you he will join us, so would you please stop with the thunder-concert out there? That is really kind of disturbing...''  
''Helbindi!''  
Loki and Laufey looked at the crown prince with anger clearly written on both of their faces. They really didn't want Thors face to get any redder than it already was, probably with resentment.  
Thor calmed down rather quickly.  
He got up from where he sat and moved towards the newly arrived Prince.  
''Forgive me my temper. I see now that you are real.''

.

I stared at him for a second, before I had to grin at him somehow sadly.  
It seemed that he didn't recognize me at all.  
''Hmm.. You thought that my Brother and Father might have made me up? Hmmm.. I have to say that I have never heard such a funny story before. You Asgardiens are quite funny people.''  
He bowed to me in such a princely manner, such as I have never seen him do before.  
''As I said, forgive me. The All-Father gave me the order to make sure that the rumours are true and that there really is such a new Price at Jotenheim. And I have to seek your forgiveness again it seems, for such impudent questions, but it doesn't seem as if you are a newborn... So where did you come from?''  
I had to laugh at this. ''Not at all, milord. You can ask me anything you like. And you got that one quite right it seems; I am no newborn.'' We both laughed quite heartedly at this.  
I looked into the red eyes of my brother, than I caught a glimpse of Laufeys worry stricken face.  
I know, that he just realized that I openly acknowledged my true family, called them Brother and Father explicitly and that in front of the Asgardien party.  
I wasn't sure if he thought I did it only because I wanted to do everything conforming to courtly rules or because... I finally really, truly felt like I belonged to a family.  
I looked down onto my pale blue hands; I fell into a world of memories, long lost and still so fresh in my mind and never far away.

'You were so close to me right now,  
I was almost able to touch you and still I couldn't reach you.  
I felt despair gripping my heart again.  
I heard Odin in my ears and I was falling again.  
I had nothing left.  
I was falling and there was nothing between me  
and the burning flames that pulled me towards the end.  
I was falling - it was eternally.  
No hope.  
Nothing could change my faith.  
No one could save me from my destiny.  
Is destiny already written for us?  
Was there nothing uncertain anymore?  
Are there really no more mysteries left do discover?  
Is life just an endless spinning wheel of always reoccurring sequences?  
Unchanging faces to meet,  
senseless greetings to repeat,  
paradigms which we are forcefully pushed into.  
What a pity it seems to me now;  
to see life as a paradigm of meaningless,  
destined unchangeable symptoms of a sickness;  
a sickness without cure.  
Because one like me – Aesir or Jotun,  
Always in between – seemingly never fully one,  
doesn't care about time.  
So time will go one, and on, and on...  
And the sickness will continue to spread inside my body,  
my mind, my heart, my soul.  
It is rotting and makes me want to spit bitter poison.  
I felt a shiver run down my spine.  
The chaos was all around me.  
Woven around me in thick,  
hard, unmoving, unforgiving threads.  
I wasn't able to get out.  
There was no way out.  
I was enslaved by the chaos,...  
and Odins will.  
It was his all seeing eye that has foreseen this destiny -  
It was his will – which was forcing me into this horrid dream;  
of fire, death, loneliness and war.  
It was his will that was directing all the men towards the made up end.  
He was the master of destruction,  
killer, murderer, mind breaker.  
On the chair of great Kings he rests his person,  
looks on to the smaller world with resentment and lazy abhorrence.  
Without mercy he decides the faith of us all in a single blink of the eye.  
The one eyes will is what is going to change this world for evermore.  
It was not I who wished for flames and death.  
It was not I who was longing for destruction.  
Like a puppeteer he holds us on strings and plays with us all,  
until the end.  
But I will rise from the ashes,  
breaking free, make a change.  
I will fly and be free.  
I will not live by his bidding,  
begging for my life and for his voice  
to command me.  
I will be the commander.  
I will stand above them all.  
The ashes of my past,  
blown away by the frosty winds,  
are frozen under the eternal ice  
and never to be seen again.  
Today I kill myself to live again.'

.  
.

''My Prince?''  
In the distance I heard your voice.  
''Oh, yes, Please forgive me, I was captured be some thoughts.''  
''Must have been some deep thoughts then. You were quite far away.''  
I smiled at him in an apologetic manner.  
''Yes indeed. But you had some questions; I will of course answer them all.''  
He bowed again and gestured for us to sit down together.  
I followed him to the table and sat next to Thor.  
''I have to tell you in all honesty then that I have just found back to my true family. I was taken away from my family when I was a very young child, and I was raised somewhere else. I am very happy to be back here, with my brother and my father. They take good care of me.''

.  
.

When Thor's eyes fell upon the young Jotuns body he felt enslaved by his beauty.  
He was clearly younger than the others. Slim, small, and his body was pale blue.  
He wore tight leather pants and some fur covered his shoulders.  
Thor tried not to ogle the young Price too obviously but it was impossible.  
The way he moved his hips, the way he moved his head from one side to the other and... Oh! The way he opened his eyes! Dark lashes moved over dark red, rubies, they caressed his beautiful eyeballs in the most sensual way. Was it even possible to open and close eyes in such a way? It should be forbidden! And the way he opened his mouth just a tiny little bit, to wet them with his tongue. His tongue was moving over his lips slowly, carefully and teasing.  
'Did he know I was watching? Did he know I wanted him - right there, right then?  
If he knew – this was the sweetest torture I was ever allowed to endure.  
I never wanted this to stop.'

And his voice was like honey dew. It was melting my ears away.  
When was the last time I felt like this?  
Too long ago... I couldn't even recall it, but something about this situation felt oddly familiar.

'But what is he saying?  
He was taken away as a young child? Adopted? Raised somewhere else?  
Just returned to his real family?  
What am I hearing?  
This cannot be real...  
I feel like I am suffocation..  
need some air...  
L..Loki... Loki...  
no...'

''You... You! You took him away from me!''  
Thor wasn't able to contain his feelings anymore.  
He got up from his seat, grabbing Lokis hand in one fluid motion and took him in his arms.  
''You will not stay here for one more second. Negotiations are over.''

''Thor! I was not taken away from Asgard by anybody. I... I ... I went away.''

.

TBC


	4. Chapter 3 - try to see part 2

A/N: there is going to be some thorki smut in this chapter.  
have fun! -je

Thor stared at me with wide unbelieving eyes.  
''You went away. And that happened at free will? And why didn't I hear from you for such a long time? Mother wept and I thought you dead, murdered or kidnapped... Why, Loki... Just tell me why? If you really went away at your own free will, why didn't you just tell me that you wanted to leave? Why didn't you say Good-Bye? ''  
I felt tears well up in my eyes and I couldn't hold up the magic any longer. I felt the old Asgardien magic find its way back into my bones. I blame it on your body being so close to me; and I just let it happen. Completely willingly I surrendered to your warmth and love that was wrapping around me like the most comfortable blanket.  
I leaned towards you to soak myself in the feeling of thunder, lightning, a warm summer breeze, light, warmth and as I was lingering in all those feelings of security I was slowly changing back into my Aesir form. I felt the coldness again. I felt the Ice underneath my feet, the freezing wind that blew through the great windows of the hall and that tried to pierce my naked upper body with their cold breath.  
My ruby red eyes turned dark green and my blue skin turned into its aristocratic pale again.  
I looked up into Thors eyes and saw him starring at me.  
''Loki... I thought I'd never see you again.''

First I wasn't able to form words, but as I felt tears running down my cheeks I tried to pull myself together to speak. Incoherent first but after catching my breath I was able to form a more or less coherent sentence. ''I... I was sure that I would never see you again.''

He pressed my now shivering body closer to his own.  
I felt like I was captured in one of my dreams when I felt the back of his hand caress my cheek so tenderly.

''What have you done to him? How is it possible that I come here for negotiations with Jotenheim and I find my brother, Loki, here with you?''  
I was suddenly brutally ripped out of my wonderful dream when I heard Thor loudly starting a discussion with Laufey and Helbindi.  
'_'Your_ _brother_?! Excuse me but do you have trouble hearing? He isn't your brother! And I am fairly sure that what you have done with him back in Asgard, when you were alone together isn't what brothers usually do in their spare time...''  
''How _dare_ you speak to me in such a manner! What I do with my brother is ... private!''  
''Ahhhh! So there was something going on! Loki was very discrete about it.. He really is a shy one. ''  
I was getting really nervous. If Helbindi didn't stop this very soon I feared for my brothers safety.

I felt Thor shivering.  
I was fairly sure that it wasn't because he felt cold.  
I looked up into his face which gave the impression of pure rage.  
''Please Thor, calm down...''  
''Calm down?! You tell me to calm down? When those barbarians held you imprisoned all those years?! I wonder if Father knew about any of this...''

With a quick glance back at Laufey and Helbindi I made sure that both of them didn't say anything wrong right now. Anything said or done wrong at this moment might lead to a fight. I was pretty sure about this. I knew Thor for such a long time; I knew what would provoke him to what kind of action.  
''Thor. I want to talk to you in private. Before this negotiation is proceeding I wish to tell you how I got to Jotenheim. I want to tell you some things,... If you want to hear about it.''  
Thor looked at me, it seemed that his mood had changed for the better.  
''Of course I will listen to you Loki. Whatever it is that you wish to tell me.''  
With one last, hard glance at Laufey and my brother Helbindi, Thor turned around and moved towards the end of the hall, where he waited for me.

.  
.

The warriors three still sat at the table, somehow unsure of this whole situation.  
Especially Sif was completely perplexed by the sudden turn of events.  
''What do you say, Sif? Do you think Loki was kidnapped?''  
Hogun had leaned towards Sif to whisper in her ear.  
Sif stared after the two departing man, she was overly confused by the entirely situation.  
Was Loki here on his own free will? Was he captured and held here as a prisoner?  
What if he was held captive... Should they rescue him?  
Everybody in Asgard knew that Sif and Loki had a history.  
And it wasn't that kind of funny, lovely story that you might want to tell your children at night.  
They sometimes screamed at each other so much, fought each other so hard until one of them laid on the ground – bleeding.  
''I am sorry Hogun... I don't know.''  
Sif hadn't anything more to say. She didn't know what else to say.  
She couldn't care less what would happen to Loki.  
For all she cared about, he could rot here in this icy hell hole and never come out again.

.

She knew about the things going on in Asgard.  
She knew about the things going on between Loki and Thor.  
And she felt the hot burning of jealousy, every time she heard Thor moving through the castle halls at night towards Lokis room. Fast, quiet steps he took to get to his goal.  
Lokis room was at the end of the hall.  
She knew how wrong it was, and she knew that it would only hurt herself but she couldn't help herself. Every time she did it again. She was following Thor again.  
The door closed and Sif slowly moved closer to listen to them talk.  
She heard a muffled laugh and more talking.  
Then she heard some ruffling and clicking,... With every cloth that became undone behind those doors, her soul was becoming darker and her heart broke a little bit more. The jealousy was eating her up.  
She buried her face in her hands. Not only because of the horrible shame that she felt, that was only intensified by every moan and groan that was softly penetrating her ears in the most cruelly way, but also because of the unbearable sadness which was provoked by her broken heart and every time she heard the sweetest love proclaiming and every time she heard one of them cry out in passion for the other not to stop,... She knew that her heart was rotting with hate.  
Oh, how she hated Loki!  
She hated him with such passion, because he got all that she wanted.  
And was it really such a crime to yearn for love and attention, for an embrace and a kiss?  
Yes, she desired all those things with all her heart and she felt her heart pour out bitter poison because it wasn't her that Thors arms were holding tenderly in his strong arms at night.  
It wasn't her that his gaze was fixed upon day and night.  
All his love wasn't hers.  
She wasn't the object of Thors desire and that was killing her.  
Because she knew no matter how hard she might try, there would never be a place for her in his heart.

.

The love that Thor felt for Loki was consuming him, them - it was like an overwhelming storm of feelings; strong – Like his thunder, it was raging through their bodies and their hearts with such aggression and passion - consuming everything. This feeling of utterly bliss and devotion that was filling their hearts was making it absolutely impossible for any outsider to intrude in their own little world of ecstasy, pleasure, complete surrender, love and affection.  
Or rather they wouldn't let anybody intrude.  
Behind closed doors it was their sanctuary of heated bodies, tangled in white linen sheets.  
Sweat was glistening on their bodies as they moved as one.  
After some time they forgot where one began and where the other ended – they were one.  
Thor was gripping Lokis waist in an almost bruising grip in a desperate try to stay focused.  
The lean body underneath him was moving restlessly against him for a desperate try to get more friction. Loki tried to get closer to him, tried to get him to move faster, harder inside him.  
Thor moaned as he saw his brother behave in such wanton ways.  
He gripped his waist hard and pushed deeper inside the willing body.  
The legs of the younger man beneath him spread wide open for him, so willingly giving him space for this act of love. It was always love between them.  
Thor smiled down at Loki. How much he loved his mischief maker.  
Loki reached out for him. ''Kiss me. Please kiss me Thor.''  
''Oh my love, you never have to ask for that. Such a thing I give you all too willingly...  
I'd give you everything. ''  
Thor lowered his head to Lokis face to kiss him with as much passion as he could muster.  
They moaned as their lips lingered on the others in an almost desperate way, almost afraid to pull away. Their lips moved against the others with just as much passion as their bodies did.  
Loki was the first to pull away. He arched his back, threw his head back and gripped Thors shoulders – leaving marks from his nails.  
They both cried out in passion as they reached their climax together.  
Thor pulled Lokis overheated body closer to breath in his scent.  
''I love you Loki... I will love you eternally. You and no other.''  
There was a short silence except from their ragged breathing.  
''Words will never be enough to tell you how much I love you. You and no other. But if I had to do it with words I'd say; my love for you is endlessly, eternally, strong and unyielding, passionate, wild and raging like your thunder.'' As Loki spoke those words Thor was rolling on top of him and started to caress his fair pale cheek. His skin so soft and lovely; it was practically inviting him to touch it.  
''Tell me more Brother for I love your voice so much, it is like honey in my ears. I want to hear more. Make me drunk on it.''  
Loki smiled up at him and reached out to grip the golden locks in between his delicate fingers, while his long pale legs sensually stroked the firm tights of the man on top of him.  
''I would probably do anything you ask of me. What do you wish me to say?''  
Loki grinned up at the God of Thunder in a wicked way.  
''Do not play with me, Loki.''  
Lokis fingers were still tangled up in the golden hair while one hand was slowly travelling downwards between their bodies.  
''You just have to tell me...'' His hand was slowly reaching his goal. ''what to do...'' His hand moved across hard muscles on Thors abdomen. ''or what to say... '' He couldn't hold back a moan.  
This act of foreplay – this moving towards the ultimate satisfaction – teasing the other partner to such an extent; that you could practically taste the frustration and want in the air, was physically and mentally so stimulating. In such moments were the body is tensed, all senses just focused on the object of desire and everything else was completely unnecessary. When physical closeness between lovers isn't enough anymore and the love that is shared on so many levels isn't enough anymore, the simplest touch in the act of foreplay can make a desperate lover burn in anxious despair for more...  
Thor knew he was the most desperate lover in the entire nine realms.  
The moment Lokis lips left his he was already seeking them for more. Behind those soft pink folds the sweetest, wickedest tongue was hidden.  
The moment Loki left his arms he felt naked, lost and his arms and hands were left without anything to hold onto in this world. Loki was his anchor, his light, his deepest darkest secret and desire, his other half. Loki was driving him mad.

Thor was looking down at the most beautiful creatur, he was sure, Ygddrasil has ever created. Pale skin, dark green eyes - wide open and gazing up at him, lips parted just a bit for the most sinful sounds to erupt. Possessiveness was taking a hold of Thor and bit by bit he was losing control over himself.  
''What I want... I ... Loki ...''  
Loki was moving his abdomen against Thors to get friction as well.  
''Yes, tell me what you want. I'll give it to you.'' Breathing normally was getting a bit difficult.  
Lokis hand finally reached his goal and grasped the hard flesh of Thors erection in a tight grip.  
Thors forehead fell against the Tricksters sweaty chest. They were both breathing hard and were completely absorbed in their blissful act of passion.  
''I want you. Only you.'' Thor was moaning against Lokis chest heatedly. ''Nothing else matters to me... No one else could ever compare to you. Oh god! Loki... I love you!''  
Loki was smiling while groaning in a wild passionate way, with his head tossed back into the pillows, wantonly moving his erection against the man on top of him.  
He held his legs tightly around Thors waist to hold him close.  
''Loki... Loki... Loki...'' He was chanting Lokis name like a prayer.  
They were so close, but still not close enough.  
''Take me... please.''  
''Yes.''  
Loki spread his legs a bit more to manoeuvre the hard, massive flesh of the Aesir inside him.  
He moaned in deep satisfaction as he felt Thor moving inside him again.  
''Ah! Thor! Please...''  
''What, my love? What do you desire?''  
Their gazes met in a heated moment – still full of love.  
There were no words needed.  
Thors thrusts were without mercy – hard and deep.  
Bodies moving in perfect synchrony, pushing, pulling, gripping, ripping, groaning, moaning, screaming, whining. In a wild dance of passionate love that, in this one seemingly endless moment, the world didn't seemed so wrong and horrible. Because in this one perfect moment, were bodies connect and lie tangled between those linen sheets, everything was white and perfect again.  
He was holding onto the white linen sheets above Lokis head, as a moan was ripped from his lungs. As Thor climaxed for the second time that night he felt the utterly bliss of complete satisfaction and love swelling in his heart.  
He looked down on his lover who was still hard and begging for his undivided attention that he was all too happy to grant it.

.

Sif knew what was going on behind closed doors.  
She wasn't sure for how long she stood in front of that door.  
She wasn't sure for how long she was listening to Lokis cries of passion.  
And she wasn't sure how late it was when she decided to leave this place of misery. Or was it the sun that was painting the sky in such horrible colours? She couldn't trust herself anymore.

Just like then, she couldn't find trust in herself. She couldn't find those feelings of 'love your next' or forgiveness. She couldn't forget and simply go on. She didn't know how.  
How was she supposed to go on with life if she still lingered on in a dream world?  
How was she supposed to live if jealousy was nagging at her very core and if hate was such an all-consuming feeling, that sometimes it seemed to her that she had become a monster of pure resentment, with a tainted soul.  
And what was she supposed to do now - when she thought that she was finally able to move on, that maybe now she had a chance of being happy, maybe even find some love...  
Sif wasn't a dreamer. She stopped being a dreamer at that very moment when she saw Loki, held by Thors strong arms, their lips locked in the loveliest, most beautiful and sensual way she has ever seen anybody kiss. Under the falling leaves of the golden trees of the palace gardens, where they were hiding away, trying to get away from all that was troubling their minds. The golden leaves were slowly falling to the ground and the soft, chilly breath of autumn wind was blowing through golden and black hair. Lokis tender form was giving the image of being almost fragile as Thor was hovering above him, pressing him against one of the trees and covering him completely with his entire being. But as she got a bit closer she saw that Loki was holding onto him tightly. His hands were lost in the wild golden hair and his eyes were shut in a blissful, delightful and carefree way such as she has actually never really seen on the trickster. Thors arms held Loki in an almost protective way. One hand was caressing his back while the other was affectionately moving through the black hair. When the kiss ended and their eyes opened Thor immediately searched for Lokis gaze. From her perspective she wasn't able to see Lokis whole face but Thor was suddenly smiling like he had see the most glorious sun rise, like he had heard the most wonderful music and tasted the sweetest wine.

It was a picture forever burned into her mind.

Before I left the hall I turned to Laufey and Helbindi.  
''I will make this quick. Do not worry about me.''  
Laufey suddenly took me in his arms.  
''A father always worries about his sons.''  
My arms griped his back and I leaned my cheek against his cool chest.  
''I know... Father.''  
''You know... Whatever happens from now on, you are my little brother and I want you to know that I care about you.''  
I let go of Laufey and turned to Helbindi.  
''What is wrong with you? Getting so sentimental? I'm just going to the other room... I doubt that anything great is going to happen. Well maybe Thor is going to kidnap me.. But I highly doubt it.''  
Laufey was getting serious again. ''Just be careful, I don't think that the All-Father has told him anything about your banishment. So you should be careful about what you are telling him and most important _how_.''  
We exchanged a look of knowing. ''Yes indeed. I will be careful.''  
With that I left the hall.

The hall was overflowing with feelings, emotions and things unsaid.  
I had the nagging feeling that something horrible was going to happen.  
I couldn't identify it yet but I felt anxious and afraid of this sudden uncertainty that overcame me.  
Even though all is sure – nothing seems sure.  
How horrible destiny is if just the end, the final outcome, is a fixed point in time that we are all going to work towards to but all that is in between is just gambling.  
This sudden conclusion that came to me made me even more depressed than all my other thoughts of late.

A storm was coming and it would be the last one.

.

TBC


	5. Chapter 4 - try to fight

_A/N: Here you go! Have fun please do not forget to review! _

_Flashback  
In the halls of Asgards palace  
Odin and Loki _

* * *

.

I wondered why the All-Father wanted to see me at such an hour but like always I knew that all he did would be for a greater purpose.  
I walked down the quiet halls and strived towards the golden hall where I was sure he would be already waiting for me.  
It was very quiet, since it was already dark outside and the festivities of the latest triumph over some rebellious tribe had ebbed down and the Aesir drunken on victory and glory had departed. So I was alone on my way through the gigantic marble halls, decorated with statues of past kings and great warriors and the few remaining guards left on watch. They had a tiered look on their faces but they stood straight, tall and with their sword and shield always ready to defend the realm of Gods with pride.

As I arrived at the huge door of the throne room I waited for a moment for the guards to open it for me. ''The King is waiting for you Prince Loki.'' They bowed to me and the gate opened.

With secure steps I walked towards my Fathers throne and kneeled before him.  
''Father, I am glad to see that you are back safe from your journey. Of what kind of services may I be to you? Your message didn't give away too much, but it sounded urgent.''  
I looked up into his now wrinkled face, which still held all the wisdom and kindness that I remembered from my childhood days. I always looked up to this man and I always wanted to be like him.  
Slowly he stood up from the seat of Kings and as he deliberately walked down the steps towards me, I realized the tight grip that his old hand had on Gungnir.

.  
.

The golden spear was secured in the hand of the greatest of all Kings as he walked, giving him the feeling of something to hold onto. Just seconds ago he was sure of what he was about to do. He was sure that this was the only right thing to do and the only right thing to say. But now that he saw his son... No. Now that he saw Loki in front of him, kneeling before him, showing loyalty, obedience, good will and all the love that a Father could wish of a son he wasn't so sure he was able to do this.  
But he knew he had to.  
He knew that for what he was about to say he would get his rightful punishment in time.  
This would be the start of the end.  
Today he would seal the pact of killing all good.  
Today he would take away all light in those lovely green orbs.  
He saw the future,  
He knew he end.  
What kind of story was this to be told if all that is to be said is already fixed?  
He felt the heaviness of this conclusions weight press on his chest  
like the heaviness of armour repressing air from his lungs.  
With each step closer to his forlorn son he felt grief and helplessness like never before.  
He felt so very old right now.

''Loki,... my son. Come here. Come closer.''

.  
.

I got up from my knees and stood for a second to study my Fathers face. He looked worried and sad for a reason I couldn't grasp. ''Father, is everything alright? Did something happen on your journey?'' I walked up to him and took his hand in mine.

.

Odin looked at Lokis hand.  
It was so small once, long ago.  
How could this small hand be the hand that will kill us all?  
How could this small hand be the hand of the child that will bring chaos, death and destruction?  
I knew that just one word of mine and this destiny will never be his.  
I closed my eyes for a moment and reflected on all that the Norns told me.  
Destiny cannot be changed.  
It is my destiny to tell him, my poor lost son, what is waiting for him.

''Loki, there is something I need to tell you. I wanted to tell you this in strict confidence.''

.  
.

He pulled me towards the great balcony of the golden hall where we stood for some time to watch the deep blue night sky over Asgards sleeping city.  
''It is peaceful and quite. Watch them Loki. All of them lie in their beds sleeping, breathing, and dreaming about what will happen tomorrow.'' He turned to me and fixed his gaze upon my being with such intensity that I felt insecurity creeping up on me. ''What do you think will happen tomorrow Loki?''  
I looked at the city lights for a short moment than I turned my face to my Father. '' I don't know Father. The gift of seeing the future was not granted to me. This great gift is in your possession only, I fear.'' I smiled at him. Some nervousness fell off my shoulders, which I hadn't even realized I felt all this time.  
So it was just a nice chat that my Father wanted. But still I felt confused why this talk couldn't have waited until tomorrow. I have to admit that I was rather occupied with a certain blond God of Thunder between my legs when his message arrived. So I wanted to return to his chambers as fast as possible.

''You are right.''  
I looked at him, confusion must have been written all over my face.  
''Father? Why did you call for me at such an hour? What did you want to discuss with me, that is so urgent and that can only be discussed between the two of us when no one else is on the move?''  
''Forgive me Loki... You must know that I was on a journey to the Norns?''  
I nodded my head and waited for more information.  
''Yes of course Father, what have the wise Norns foretold?''  
His head turned to gaze upon the sleeping city again.  
''Ragnarök.''  
I felt a sudden sickness in my stomach. ''Well, we all knew that this day would come someday. So we have to prepare now. What else have the wise Norns told you?''

.  
.

I looked at Lokis pale face. He was a true beauty. It was no wonder that Thor fell for him.  
My family may think of me as blind and old but I see and hear more then they think.  
I see the glances full of love and desire – exchanged in the halls or over the table at a feast - the short lingering touches – not quite there but still wanting, craving, longing for more closness. I hear the whispering –lovely, sweet, obsessive talk of love, full of need for more closeness.  
I reached out and touched his cheek. With my fingers I caressed his cheek for a few seconds and smiled at my son.  
But did I really have the privilege to still call him that?  
''Loki. I went to the Norns and asked them about the future of my sons. For you know that I always worry about you and Thor.'' I shook my head a bit in an apologetic and jokingly way. '' I know, I know you will tell me now that I do not have to worry, but a Father always worries.''

.  
.

I smiled at him.  
''You really shouldn't worry so much. Thor and I should be the last of your worries.''  
His warm hand was slowly slipping from my cheek and he was turning away from the city. With slow sure steps he walked back towards his throne. I watched him taking step by step; a change came upon my Father. His face grew hard, his eyes suddenly were cold and his hand was gripping Gungnir in an iron grip. In one fluid movement he turned around lowered himself on his seat and fixed his now hard, serious expression on me.  
''Loki, there are some very serious topics that I wish to tell you. I am sorry that I haven't told you sooner but I thought I was protecting you from the truth. Now I see that the truth must be brought forward and that nothing can change who we really are. Nothing can change our destiny.''

I walked closer to him.  
''What? Forgive me Father for I do not understand what you mean. You speak in riddles.''  
''I want to tell you about your birth Loki.''  
''A..about my birth?''

Odins gaze was hard and cold.  
''Yes Loki. I have to say that there are some things that happened in the past that I deeply regret but they had to happen. You see... Some things just have to happen for us to see our rightful path in the future and where we truly belong.''  
One of the wrinkled hands came up to his face and brushed through his beard. ''When war between Jotenheim and Asgard was raging through the lands, ice and fire were battling for survival and hatred was the only feeling left to us. It was the only thing that kept us alive... At least it seemed to me that way. Those were the darkest days for Asgard and its people. Do you understand Loki? ''  
''Yes of course Father for you have told me those stories many times. I know the history of Agsard by heart, I love Asgard and our people and with all my being I wish to protect it... so something like this will never happen again.''

The King of the nine realms stood up and looked down at his beautiful forlorn son.

''There is some more that I wish to tell you.''

A kind of killing silence was falling over the hall as Loki was waiting for his Father to continue.

''The war between our realms was long, and many good warriors fell. It was after years of battling that we finally pushed the Jotuns back into their realm. In a moment where battle and rage was still consuming the icy planes I ventured into the palace... I went into the high temple and found the casket of eternal winter – as you know Loki, this casket is the life source of Jotenheim – in my rage and hatred against Laufey and his people... I ... I took it. I took it with the complete knowledge that with taking it away from them they would die sooner or later. But I didn't care.''

.

I stared at my Father. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. All these years I heard stories about the cruelty of the Jotuns, about what they did to Asgard and how brave the Asgardiens fought in that horrible cruel war. It was necessary of course to kill so many Jotuns because... if not!? ... oh just thinking of the possible outcome was outrageous, horrible, terrible, frightening and just awful!

''But that wasn't the only thing that I took that day.''

Odin went down the stairs. He came closer to me and when he was right in front of me he stopped. He looked at me with a kind of sad expression.

''There was a baby hidden behind the Altar. I only found it because it started crying. It was so small and there was blood and dirt all over its small body. But even though this scenery was heavy with crime and brutality, I remember when I held this small child in my arms I was fascinated. I was able to forget all the war and horrible reality that was waiting out there for me, for just a second. The skin was pale blue and when I took the small bundle of flesh into my arms it stopped crying and opened its eyes. They were like rubies, blood diamantes, such a wonderful colour I have never seen before. I remember that I was thinking that this couldn't be a Jotun. This Baby was much too small for a Jotuns offspring. And then another wonder was happening right before my eyes. I saw how the blue skin was changing and suddenly the baby had lovely rosy cheeks and the most beautiful green emeralds. I couldn't leave him there... And so I took him with me and raised him, like he was my own, as a Prince of Asgard. ''

There was such hate inside me like I have never felt before.  
All this time...  
All the fights with the Aesir now make sense.  
All the nights I cried myself to sleep because my only deepest wish was to be accepted.  
But now I have to confront myself with the bitter bile of truth that acceptance will never come – not to one like me – a Jotun.

''Why haven't you told me? Now it all makes sense... Because no matter what I did... No matter what I tried to accomplish... Who would ever want a Jotun?! Why haven't you just told me the truth?!''

''I wanted to protect you.''

''LIES! Do not lie to me! No more lies! Tell me the truth old man! You will tell me the whole truth now or I will rip your head off.''

I was enraged and pure liquid hatred was running through my veins.

''Very well. It is also my wish not to lose any more time with talking around the subject. I wish to tell you the whole truth. When I found you as a baby, Loki I swear – I loved you then. But things have changed my boy. The norns have foreseen your future and your destiny is sure.''

.  
.

The cloak of the old King was billowing behind him as he walked a few steps around the quiet hall. His steps were echoing and next to his whole great being his shadow was walking just as languidly as Odin himself. Odin had seen all and knew all. He gave his right eye to see all that has been and his other eye he kept on what may be and probably will come to pass. Sometimes he felt a bit confused and wasn't sure where he was when all the impressions of all times, places and people became too much for him.  
Sometimes he got pulled into a swirl of emotions and feelings, of time and space, of people's heads, minds and memories.  
He knew how it would all come to an end.  
So there was no way of denying it.  
''The norns have given me this gift of seeing what has already come to pass and what will happen to us in future. I have seen your destiny Loki.''

.  
.

''Is that so? Well then why don't you tell me then? I am sure that I have some lovely mission to fulfil are something like that!'' I cried out.

''Ragnarök.''

I blinked a few times and tried to comprehend what Odin has just said. ''Excuse me?''

''They wise Norns have told me this;

'He must be the child of chaos,  
the one taken away from true blood family,  
will yield the thorn of hate to bring you down,  
soak the fields of battle with royal blood,  
and paint the skies with horrid red.  
He will lead the armies of revenge,  
towards the eternal realm of Gods.  
He will be the child of chaos and destruction.  
The chosen one will bring death upon us all.  
He will bring forth Ragnarök and all will end.'

That is all I can tell you. That is all I know and there is nothing you can do. You cannot change your ultimate destiny.''

I stared at my Father with complete disbelieve. ''How can you say such things? Do you have any feelings at all? How can you say such things to me when all I have done all my life was to serve you! Have you forgotten all I did in loyalty? It was always in your service! All I have ever done was for you, for my family for Asgard alone! How can you stand there and tell me such cruel things? Was it not because of me that now the mighty wall stands high around Asgard to protect our borders and our people? Was it not because of me that now you have Sleipnir as your great war horse and Gungnir... was it not I who ventured to the dwarfs to demand a fitting weapon for Asgards King?!''

''All these things don't matter now Loki.''

I stared at him. Wide eyed, breathing heavily and completely outraged.

''So what matters then? Pray tell me because it seems to me that I do not have a single clue of what is going on! Since all my past was a lie how should I know what the future holds?!''

''I must banish you for you must fulfil what the Norns have foretold.''

I was shivering and shaking. My whole body was shaking in pure anguish and hatred towards my 'Father'. My heart was pounding in my ears and the cold sweat of anxiety was dripping from my forehead. My hands were balled in tight fists and I felt the nails digging into the skin of the inside of my palm. I was biting my lip and tasted copper. The blood I drew from biting to hard made me think of that one line that Odin recited; 'soak the fields of battle with royal blood'. Oh I will...

Rage still fought with sadness but slowly rage was winning and it was a wonderful all consuming feeling that was making me see red.  
Suddenly I felt calm and sincere and turned to the All-Father.  
In a quiet, calm voice I started to speake to him.

''You must know... This is your doing. You have chosen this destiny. You have chosen to end this world in blood, dirt and despair. And if this is your wish then I will grant it. But one last thing... You must stay alive until the end so you can watch all your children kill each other. You will watch how their bodies will be ripped apart piece by piece, how the blood will flow and how it will paint the earth red.I will make you watch how the world falls apart, and when it all ends... Odin... then I will come for you. I will rip you apart myself. And your screams of despair, misery and pain will be music in my ears. Because then in that one glorious moment you will remember what you.. ALL OF YOU! Have done to me...''

Odin stared at me with empty eyes. ''So it shall be.''

.  
.


	6. Chapter 5 - falling and dreaming

_A/N: Sooo, I just couldn't stop writing and here is the outcome.  
This chapter is for aeron4. (Especially for you, since we talked about pairings and stuff... xDD yeaayy well you know what I mean LOL) I really hope you like this one because this is certainly the longest smut I have ever written.. /''  
So guys watch out, this chapter contains heavy Thorki SMUT !  
Have fun, read and review!  
-je_

* * *

_Flashback_

.

I was running carelessly trough the white and golden glimmering halls of the palace.  
Everything was a blur and turning.  
I was confused and the obscuring lights of night turning slowly into day were making me sick.  
Asgards beauty, which I always thought was ultimate, superior and never to be compared to anything else was making my insides boil with bitter bile of sadness and loneliness.  
Where was I supposed to go now?  
I was banished of the realm of Gods.  
Breathing seemed such a hard task and I felt tears slowly running down my cheeks.  
I stumbled over my own feet and fell to my knees. I held onto one of the huge massive marble pillars and let the tears run freely.  
The pain seemed all consuming.  
The hate seemed omnipresent.

But there was something else inside me... something that even though everything around me seemed to crumble, something warm – a feeling that I couldn't quite grasp. What was it?  
What light was there if everything was so dark?  
What love could there be if all that I felt was hate?  
What tenderness could I compose if all I ever came to know was harshness and brutality written upon my being? What truth did they want from my thong if all they ever spoke to me were lies?  
Was it not the ultimate question for truth that we all were seeking? And that personification of truth that none of us would ever reach because it seemed that our whole life was filled with so many questions and lies that seeking that ultimate truth, the epitome of ultimate satisfaction in answers was absolute senseless. Seeing, knowing and understanding this was my truth and that was why I spoke lies.

No there was nothing for me here.

I stood up on shaky legs and somehow those shaky limbs carried me out of the blinding white towards the Bifröst.  
My lips, hands my whole body was shaking as I stood on the rainbow bridge. I stared down into the complete darkness and I felt the abyss calling me.

Ragnarök will be my ultimate destiny?

No I would not let this be my end.  
I would not bow to this conclusion.  
I held my head high and turned back to the city that was now slowly rising.  
Slowly but steadily the sun was changing the sky into glorious colours. The sun was painting the sky in orange and bloody red and yellow. The sky was burning.  
The few clouds on the firmament were in the loveliest pink and a little smile was creeping on my face. Like little sheep they were dancing and prancing over the sky.

I stood there close to nothing and watched the night sky fade away the knowledge that soon you would be raising as well dawned upon me.

Would you be thinking of me if I left now?  
Would Odin tell you anything at all?  
Would you miss me?

I couldn't linger any longer for just one more thought of you would be my death of me for sure.  
So with your sweet name on my rasped lips I turned and fell.  
It was dark and I wasn't sure if it was because of the darkness that was engulfing my entire being or if it was because I kept my eyes closed. I didn't care anymore.  
All will end someday and for me the ending seemed so close because you were so far away and with every second that I was falling; your tender touch, your loving heart, your strong arms and all that we were was falling apart with me. I was sure of that.

And so I was waiting until the hard ground might catch me to pull me back into reality, a reality without you. But until then I was allowed to linger in my dreams. In a world where I was not banished from all that I have known, my home, my family, ... my heart.

I was imagining you in bed, where I have left you. I saw you right before my eyes as you stretched your long tanned limbs.  
Soon I knew you would turn around and groan because the light was falling onto your face and you just wanted to sleep a bit longer.  
You drew in a deep breath and groaned. I knew it. I knew you just too well. I smiled and waited for you to turn around. I felt the white linen shift and with that you finally turned to face me. You practically rolled on top of me and buried your face in the pit of my neck while your hands moved to my black hair to get entangled there. ''hmm...loggii...'ts too 'ight''  
I pulled you closer to me and buried my face in the mass of blond hair.  
''Excuse me? What did you say?'' I grinned.  
''Pull the curtains close... It's to light. ''  
''Well then you have to get off me.'' I stated since I felt you cuddle even closer to me and your arms were pulling me closer and your lips were doing wondrous things to my neck.  
''No. Don't want to.''  
''But then the curtains have to stay open...hmmm...''  
You lifted your head and looked at me. I had to smile because the blond mop of your hair was tousled and dishevelled from sleep and you still looked kind of sleepy since your eyes were still half closed. ''Well then they have to stay open... '' There was a wicked grin on your face. ''Like this I can at least see all your beauty and...'' You leaned down to finally grant me a short kiss. ''And like this I can see all your lovely features of ecstasy... I will watch how wantonly you will throw you head back in pleasure when I claim you. Would you like that, my love? ''  
Your hands tenderly caressing my scalp were slowly wandering down to my cheeks and started stroking them slowly. I immediately leaned into your loving touch.  
I felt his hot breath so close to my lips that I thought my lips were on fire. I opened my mouth just a bit so I could breathe him in.

.

He moved and shifted around a bit – but now his whole body was on top of the younger man and he was looking directly into Lokis eyes. A soft loving smile was still plastered on his face.  
He reached between them and with a quick soft touch he felt Loki willingly part his soft tights so he could easily move between them. Thor pulled Loki closer and embraced him. He buried his face in the pit of his brothers neck, just under his ear where he started to suck and nuzzle. He wanted to leave a mark... he wanted to leave marks all over the lovely pale body of his brother. Those beautiful hands that now started to pull at his hair – he wanted to kiss each finger.  
Those lovely legs – creamy white tights firmly wrapped around his hips, steadily pulling him closer – he wanted to kiss and caress them.

Loki just had to look at him with his deep dark green eyes, shining with something mysterious that he wasn't able to understand and he wasn't himself anymore. He was devoured by the lust of consuming his black haired beauty. He wanted to take him, claim him and have him only for himself. Just the simple idea of sharing Loki with anybody was driving him mad with jealousy and just thinking about it was making his heart beat faster. No! Loki was his! His alone!

He lifted his head and looked at Loki.  
The black hair was dishevelled, his cheeks were flushed and he was breathing a bit faster than usual.  
He felt Lokis cool hands on his cheek softly scratching his beard and travelling from his face to his neck onwards to his back, were they lingered for a moment.

.  
I looked up at Thor while his gaze was also fixed upon me.  
My hands moved over his shoulders to his arms were I felt his muscles flex under my touch.  
My hands travelled up and down his body to memories his entire being.  
He slowly pulled away from me only to sit on his knees and in one fluid movement he pulled me with him to sit in his lap.  
My breathing was kind of ragged when I realized the position that we now were in.

.  
''You make me mad... Loki.''

Thor lifted the smaller and lighter body of his brother up so Loki could sit in his lap.  
He wanted to pull those lovely cheeks apart and claim the hidden passage. Hidden... only for him.  
The blond let his hands travel and let them linger on the firm buttocks of the Trickster.  
His large hands were groping and squeezing the soft flesh.  
He felt the smaller man press against him and he felt Lokis erection pressing against his stomach.  
Thor reached down and took it in his hand and started rubbing their erections against each other.  
Lokis back arched towards him while moving wantonly in passionate movements against him.  
While Thor watched in satisfaction how his sweet lover rode his lap in passion he was also having a hard time not to come to fast.

Oh the sounds that left those kiss swollen lips – sinful and glorious – Thor didn't know what true love or lust was until he had Loki full of love in his arms and naked in his bed. He didn't know how desperate one could be because of love and how much desire one could feel if love was provoking your entire being to such extent that you might feel like passing out if satisfaction, just a touch from the person your heart desires, was held back from you for one more moment.  
The sounds that left Lokis lips were torture and pleasure for Thor all at the same time.  
He was tortured by those sounds of sweet surrender in the most glorious way because he knew what would follow. But he couldn't wait anymore. He couldn't take the distance between their bodies for one more second. ''Loki I can't take it anymore... I need you.''

.  
I felt as if everything was blurring as I felt Thor pulling me so much closer.  
I felt Thors throbbing erection pressing against my own and I couldn't hold back a load moan.  
Just feeling him in such an intimate way, so close to me, pressed against me was driving me crazy.  
My hands reached out – one was reaching for his hair and pulling at his blond locks to pull his face to me while my other hand was on his back and was scratching.  
He immediately followed my lead and the second his lips collided with mine I felt bliss consuming me. This kiss was rough, wet and sloppy. His tongue was moving against mine in a dominating way – just like our bodies. He pulled away a bit and looked at me with hazy eyes, heavy with lust.  
''Lay back. I want to watch your face while I take you. I want to see how much pleasure I give you.'' I did as I was told and laid back. ''Good. Now; spread your lovely tights for me. I wish to see all of what belongs to me. For you do belong to me, do you not Loki?'' I immediately spread my legs for him and looked up into his face with my gaze also heavy clouded with lust. ''Yes, Thor,... Yes I am yours. '' He seemed happy with my answer. He reached out for the small jar on the nightstand and with its creamy, oily contents he prepared his cock. Some of the oily substance was still on his fingers when he reached out and I automatically pulled my legs up. ''Good... Such a good boy.'' He praised me. I felt his fingers on my opening and moaned in delight. ''Thor... please.''  
''What my love? What do you desire?''  
I actually didn't know what it was that I desired. I was completely captivated by a storm of feelings.  
I reached out for him and pulled him closer again so I was able to kiss him.  
While I sucked and bit on his bottom lip I felt Thors fingers breach my entrance.  
He immediately pushed two fingers inside me and soon afterwards the third finger was following.  
He pushed them deeper inside me while I was pressing my body closer against his massive form.

I sucked on his tongue, my eyes firmly shut, while his fingers were fucking me with such vigour that I was glad that my mouth was occupied because I was sure I would be screaming in pleasure since he was rapidly hitting that spot deep inside me – over and over again.  
But soon I couldn't take it anymore and I pulled away from the kiss to moan out loud.

''Take me Thor... Please.''

.  
.

''How pretty it sounds when you beg. I am sure that I will never get enough of hearing that. How bad do you want me?'' Slowly Thor pulled out his fingers and started to stroke his erection in slow deliberate moves. ''Oh Loki... I could just come watching you like this. So open and ready for me to take you. To have my way with you.'' He leaned down again to claim Lokis lips in a short but sweet kiss.  
''I will take you now. Spread your legs a bit more my love.''  
Thors hands steadily held Lokis hips as he entered the tight hot passage of muscled clenching around him. He moaned and smiled down at his brother. ''You are so lovely, so perfect. You were made for me. You belong to me.''  
It didn't take very long and Thor was snapping his hips forward to fully sheet his cock inside his lover. He moved his hips fast and hard. His hands were gripping onto Lokis hips to hold him still.  
Loki was desperately trying to move against him, bucking up and aching his back towards him.  
Thor was lowering his head again only to take one of his brothers lovely nipples between his lips to suck on them. He pulled the small frame of Lokis being closer to him and growled in satisfaction when he felt Lokis legs wrap around his waist and steadily pulling him deeper while Lokis nails were scratching on his back. Thor was pounding in the body below him and watched as Loki threw his head from side to side in wild abandon. He pushed his cock deeper and harder inside that willing body and with every trust he felt his climax coming closer.

He slowed down his trusts and whispered in Lokis ear, ''Tell me Loki, will you scream for me?''

.

I was in delirium when I heard Thors voice so close to my ear. I tried to concentrate at least to such extent that I would be able to find out the comprehension of the spoken words. But I think that in the past few hours Thor has royally fucked out the last bit of brain that I have possessed.

I was reduced to a mumbling, ranting, panting, moaning mass of flesh. Begging to be filled with Thors essence. I was holding onto him while he pounded into my body. I arched my back towards him even more, in a desperate try to be closer. I threw my head back as soon as I felt his lips on my burning skin.

I was on fire as soon as his fingers touched my skin and all that was left of my proud self was a trembling, begging mass left at his mercy. ''I'm... I... so... so close... Please do not stop. Thor!''

.

''Never... Never... Loki... Loki...''  
He was pushing them both closer to the edge until they were both coming screaming each other's names. He was coming deep inside Loki coating the insides of his brother with his cum. He was still pushing deeper and deeper, not willing to pull out yet. Not willing to part from this warmth and tight bliss that was wrapped around him. Panting and groaning they were trying to calm down from their post coital bliss. He was falling on top of Loki and embraced him in his arms.

''I love you, Loki.''

.  
My eyes were still closed and all I realized was Thors ragged breathing and my hammering heartbeat.  
I wished I could freeze this moment, when we were alone in this room between white linen sheets, the sun shining upon his god like face, making his blond hair shine golden and all the troubles of the world were not relevant to us because we had us.  
In such moments nothing but our love seemed important.  
I kept my eyes closed and held him close to me. I just wanted to breathe him in.

He was everything to me.  
He was my other half.  
You have never loved if you have not burned.  
With him - I burned.  
I felt the flames of desire and despair.  
Love is not a word,  
Love is a feeling,  
nagging at your insides,  
eating you up, consuming you,  
taking a hold of you.  
It is like a maze,  
with no way out.  
But I never wanted to find a way out  
of the deepest wildest most passionate dreams  
in which you have led me.  
You have captured me in a web of feelings,  
in a storm you have taken me,  
and in those linen sheets you will keep me.  
I am your prisoner.  
You are my Keeper.  
Eternity will never be enough,  
for a love - such as mine.

''I love you too, Thor.''

I wished I'd never wake from this dream.  
I wished that I could just fall forever.  
No - that would be a lie.  
I wished, even though it would mean to live a life of lies and uncertainty, to be back in Asgard, to be back with my family and to be back in your arms.  
But there is no turning back now.  
All that is before me now is darkness; the abyss of complete devastation was all around me.  
White has turned into black.


	7. Chapter 6 - try the truth

A/N: what's wrong with me? xD 3 chapters in 1 day? I am sooo productive! haha!  
I can't believe that this is already chapter 7 O.o that is sooo awesome xDD  
Well since this is my first multi chapter story I am extremely proud right now hihi  
Please forgive any spelling or grammar mistakes they are all mine... -.-  
Have fun, read and review! Let me know what you think. ;)  
-je

* * *

They left the hall and left the other noble percipience of the negotiation wondering.  
The door closed and Thor and Loki were alone.  
After years of separation the two lovers stood in front of each other again.  
Thor stared at him, not really knowing what to say or what to do.  
But still he was sure about one thing; that the Jotuns had kidnapped his dear Brother and kept him in this icy hell hole. Held him captivated here, locked up and far away, out of his reach.  
He was still in such rage and could barely contain his fury.  
But Lokis presence concealed his want to just slay this race of monsters.  
But what was he to do with this new found knowledge that his dear brother was one of them? Why was this information hidden from him? Somehow he felt that there was more than just Lokis true origins that were kept from him. Thor felt a shudder of disgust run down his spine. The All-Father must have known were Loki was hidden all these years. The All-Father must have known about Lokis parentage. Why would Odin keep all these things hidden from him?

.

Loki observed Thors face as they walked out of the throne room.  
Thors face was concentrated and held a serious expression.

Somehow I was happy to see him again, but all the happiness in the world couldn't help me right now, that moment of confrontation with; not only myself but also with the truth, that I had to endure. I couldn't run from it any longer. There was just me and Thor and the truth that had to be told. I knew that the All-Father wouldn't have told him anything, that he rather wanted me to suffer under the pain of telling the person that I held dearest to my heart of how the world would come to a cruel end.

So it would not only be my destiny of bringing down the world in blood, dirt and desolation but it was also my misery to suffer under the knowledge that I had to do it all on my own, because I knew the moment I told Thor about the conversation that the All-Father and I had in the golden hall he would abandon me.  
Has Odin seen this? Has Odin seen this far into the future? Did he know that I would fall into the realm of Jotenheim and that my true Family would find me? Did he know that Thor would come here for negotiations and that we would see each other again like this?  
Another question suddenly arose in my mind... Did Odin know about the love that his son and I shared?

I felt a shudder of disgust run through my body.  
Something that Mother said came to my mind; everything that Odin does serves a higher purpose.

.  
.

We came to a halt. Thor looked around to observe his surroundings, but he just couldn't help himself to realize that every room in the castle of Jotenheim looked the same to him. Ice. Ice and Oh! What a surprise... Even more Ice...  
By Odins beard... How in Hel's name did his fair sweet Loki survive in this horrible place? It must be really boring.  
Thor turned around and Lokis uneasiness didn't go by unnoticed. He realized that Loki was looking around rather anxious and nervous. But to be honest with himself, Thor didn't feel any different. He felt anxious about finding out the truth of Lokis sudden disappearance. He wanted to take Loki in his arms again and take him back home.  
''Tell me the truth Loki. What has happened when you left? Why did you leave Asgard? Why didn't you tell my about you plans of leaving? Why do I find you here in Jotenheim? And here in the castle with King Laufey none the less...!'' Thor stared at Loki still wide eyed waiting for his questions to be answered.  
''There are many things that I wish to tell you but I don't know how to begin and where I should begin. I don't know what the All-Father has told you.''  
''The All-Father has told me nothing when I asked him. I asked him many times if he knew about your whereabouts. I questioned him about what he wanted from you so late at night and what this discussion was about, why shortly after you disappeared but all I got were answers like 'You know Loki' or 'He likes to disappear'. So I am begging you, tell me what happened that night.''

.  
I nodded my head in understanding and waited for Thor to finish. I did understand that Odin wouldn't want Thor to know anything about our discussion in the golden hall. Still I found it cruel from the old man to burden this also on my shoulders.

''I am happy to see you again Thor. But somehow I think that this will be the last time... I have the feeling that after I tell you the truth about what Odin and I talked about you will leave me.''  
''Loki... Please tell me, what are you talking about? What is this nonsense? What did the All-father want from you?''

I hesitated for a moment. How should you tell the person that you loved more than anything that you were the one who would bring death and destruction? How should you tell the person that you loved over centuries that all that you have thought to be true were lies and that all that lies ahead of you was darkness?  
I didn't know how I was to tell Thor that Ragnarök was a burden loaded upon my shoulders – my heart felt heavy with sadness, with the upcoming conversation so close and no way out of this approaching doom of man and gods.

''That night the All-Father called me to the golden hall for a serious matter to be discussed. He wanted to tell me about his journey to the wise Norns. He told me that his mind was always troubled with worries, about you and I, and that he questioned the Norns about our destiny.''

Again that word was looming over me like some kind of sword, ready to cut off my head.  
Thor was quiet; he stared at me, quietly listening to my story. I was thankful that he was quiet. I was shaking with fear of how to tell him. I was afraid of the outcome. I was afraid of practically everything that was in the future. But most of all I was afraid of losing him.

''He told me about my destiny... ''

I paused for a second.

.

Thors gaze was still fixed upon Lokis face. The tremor that ran through the smaller man's body was not unnoticed. He took a step closer and took Lokis hand in his bigger one.  
''Loki, whatever the All-Father said to you that night that made you think that you have to leave... Tell me now. Nothing can be so horrible, so terrible that we cannot live trough it together. Whatever he said to you, that hurt you so, that you felt that you have to leave Asgard and run away, please let me make amends!''

.  
I looked at Thor and I didn't even realize the tears at the brick of my eyes until he brushed them away softly. '' Tell me my love. Let me help you!''  
''I... I can't.''  
I couldn't tell him. How could I possible tell him?  
''Have I not always been there for you? Have we not always been together? Have I not always shown you my complete trust and love? Why do you think that that will change now? Nothing could ever change that Loki. Please tell me what has happened that night.''  
Of course I knew that I could trust Thor.  
Of course I knew that he loved me.

But I knew that if I told him everything now, the bloody hands and raging fires would be one step closer to me. Because telling is like admitting that which is already sure - and i didn't want my future to be written upon stone for me. I wanted to be free. But still - I saw myself in deep shadows, engulfed with hot burning flames of doom; my ears were ringing with horrible screams of crying infants begging for their lives, my feet were drowning in the cold essence of life of fallen men, and my own body was drenched in dirt and blood. And in the middle of this bloody chaos I saw white hair blowing in the wind. I saw his eye starring back at me and throughout this chaotic field the great King smiled.  
This vision was hunting me.

The fear that Thor might abandon me was too great.  
''I don't know how to tell you.''  
''Just tell me what the All-Father said to you that makes your heart so heavy with sadness, I almost don't recognize you. Depression doesn't suit you my love. Where is the mischief maker that I fell in love with all those centuries ago?''

I pulled my hand away from his. Sudden anger and fury raged through me and I almost forgot myself. ''You ask where the happy me is? You ask me what the All-Father told me that night? You really want to know? But if I tell you the truth of what happened that night you will abandon me... That is for sure. ''  
''I would never abandon you. How can you say that! That is outrageous! I love you Loki!''  
''How can you say such things if you know nothing about the doom which hangs over my head like a sword ready to cut off my head! Ha! Not only mine but yours too!''  
Thor was again taking a step closer to me. He took my hand in his and pulled me in his arms.  
''Never say such things to me again. I don't care what 'doom' may hang over us... Stop it! As long as I live, as long as I have air to breathe in my lungs; I will not abandon you. Do you hear me?! Loki, you are everything to me and whatever happened that night that makes you feel like this, I will not let this come between us. I will not let you go ever again. You will not leave me a second time, do you hear me?! If you leave me again I must think that you do not love. Do you not love me, for you swore to me that our love would be eternal? Can you not find the trust inside your heart to tell me what is making you so nervous, so depressed? Tell me and I will lift the veil of sadness from your eyes so you shall see the beauty of life again.''  
I wanted to trust his words. I really did.  
I pressed myself against his muscular body and all the memories of frantic kisses, desperate touches and whispered love proclamations came crushing down on me.

''The Norns have foreseen me as the child of chaos. They saw me as the one who will lead the army of revenge against Asgard on the final day.''  
I didn't know where this sudden confidence came from, but now that it was out I was glad that all was said. Now Thor knew and I just had to wait for his reaction.

.

The silence that was lying like a heavy blanket over the entire scene was slowly killing Thor.  
He was holding Loki in his arms, fighting a mental battle of containing composure.  
He was fighting against tears that were threatening to fall.  
He was fighting the hate that was before against the Jotuns – now was completely directed against his own Father. How could he do this to Loki? What was he supposed to do now? He couldn't believe that Loki was the bringer of destruction and death. He couldn't believe that this destiny was Lokis... because that would mean that it would also be his. If all was uncertain – one thing was sure, he would not leave his beloved one more time, and if it meant to walk through the eternal fires of Nifelheim... So be it. The All-Father saw things that lie far in the future and all the things that may be, so he must have known long ago that whatever path Loki may go – This path would also be his.  
He clenched his teeth, bit his lip and closed his eyes.  
His Father must have known all this.

He pulled Loki closer against his chest and buried his face in the raven hair; finally being able to breathe in the wonderful scent of his beloved was something that was calming his nerves in this horrible situation. His hands were slowly travelling up and down the fragile being of the other male.

''I will go where ever you go.''

.  
.

The gift of speech must have left me after I heard Thor speak those words.

''I cannot ask that of you!''

''You are not asking anything of me. You should know that where ever you go I will follow.''

''Thor...That path is not yours. ''

''But it isn't yours either! It is outrageous to believe that you could be the child of chaos!''

We stared at each other for some moments.

''I will not leave you Loki... and if this means to walk through the fires of Hel's realm I will do so. I will not let you carry this burden alone.''

I touched his cheek, this closeness between us, which I thought I would never feel again, gave me the calmness and serenity to go on.  
''Long days have passed since we've been so close... I missed you. I was afraid that you might leave me, after hearing about what the All-Father told me. Never would I have thought that you would abandon Asgard.''

''I told you long ago that you are everything to me. Never will I let anything come between us. I swear to you Loki, your destiny will also be mine.''

He pulled me closer until our lips finally met again.  
My fingers got tangled in the golden locks and I lovingly caressed each strand of hair.  
It was just a short kiss but still it conveyed all the feelings that we had to repress for such a long time. All that was still left unsaid was expressed in that simple touch of lips.  
He leaned forward a bit and some strands were falling loosely in his face. Gently, with the back of my hand, I reached out to tuck them back behind his ear but he took my hand and kissed it.

''You really are such an idiot. You know? I mean, you just signed up for Ragnarök... You realized that, haven't you?''

''Oh yes, there was something about the doom of men or something like that. Flames, death and destruction... Sounds like fun! Tell me when we are leaving. I'll be ready and right behind you.''

''You really are such an oaf.''

''Yea... But you love me.''

''I do.''


	8. Chapter 7 - love hate and revenge

A/N: Hello again! ;) This is quite a long chapter, I actually wanted to post this in my christmas holidays because I have so much to do for uni .. but well whatever.. here you go.

WARNINGS: character death in this chapter, please do not hate me.. It is important for the rest of the story.. T.T

-je.

* * *

In the golden gardens behind Asgards palace the great King calmly took his afternoon walk. He was waiting for something, or rather someone.

He turned his wrinkled old face towards the golden shining leaves that were slowly gliding down to the earth as if they were sailing in the calmest and gentlest breeze. They were touched and taken by the gentle wind guided to the soft, warm earthy ground where they would linger for the rest of their time. He observed how the wind played with them and took them through the air. Up and down they went only to fall. How he wished to be one of those dancing leaves. Free of worries and troubles.

Odin was so captured by his thoughts that he almost missed the figure approaching him; hooded, dressed completely in black; their face was hidden by the hood.

''Forgive me intruding here so unannounced my King...''

Odin turned around to look at the hooded figure.  
''On the contrary! I told you to report to me as soon as you can. ... Is there something you wish to tell me Sif?''

.

She took off her hood and fell to her knees.  
She bowed before Odin to show her utterly respect and devotion.  
''Yes milord. I am here to tell you that they met. It all happened... like you said it would.'' She looked up to get a glimpse of Odins face. ''What do you want me to do next ?''

.

Odin let out a deep breath which he didn't even know he held.  
He already knew that all this would happen. He knew that his foolish son and Loki would meet again in Jotenheim and that after this fatal meeting he would see Thor only one more time. One last time. And he knew what had to be done next. Of course, he held all the knowledge of seeing all the things that were, all the things that are and all the things that lie far away in the future. Even this very moment came with no surprise to him. Nothing was surprising him anymore. It was like being held captive in an endless line of repetition, always reappearing faces and occurrences, happenings and events. He was a guest of his own life that only seemed like an act. And he was an actor saying his lines and acting according to a greater master plan. He wasn't able to distinguish between vision and reality anymore. It all seemed surreal and artificial. What was reality? Was this moment real or was it just a vision or a dream?

He knew exactly what would happen next so he moved his body willingly towards Sif and just moved his lips accordingly to what he had to say.

He stood right in front of her kneeling form, towering over her. He looked down on her and somehow he felt and indescribable sadness creeping up on him. Odin wasn't quite sure why he suddenly felt like this because he already knew what would happen and what order he would give her but still he couldn't help himself to feel sorry for himself as he said those fatal words. ''I need you to do something for me.''

''Everything for you my King.''

''I need you to kill my son.''

The wind was blowing around them more wildly and unyielding. Disturbing the leaves around them.  
The silence was only disturbed by the howling of the late autumn wind.  
They stood there staring at each other and a silent battle of authority was disturbing the peaceful scenery. Odin stared at the woman kneeling in front of him and with his burning gaze, his omnipresent authorial presence he was surely trying to make her surrender to his will.  
It wasn't a question that he proposed – it was a statement, a fact indeed and an order. He was making it clear that there was no way around his will.

He stood in front of a woman with a broken will.

.

Sifs gaze was fixed on Odins unmoving hard features.  
The turmoil that she felt was making her insides burn and boil. She felt obliged to obey that order given by her Lord because of the loyalty that she felt towards her King, her Lord and her Master. But there were all those other feelings that she just couldn't fight. There was still this deep affection for Thor that she just couldn't ignore. She was sure that Odin knew of the feelings she had for his son. Why would her King be so cruel as to ask such a deed of her? Of course Odin could be sure of her devotion and loyalty but how could she ever kill the man that she loved? She felt her hands shake with the confusion inside her mind and her heart. She felt ripped in two. Her warrior side wanted to live up to the expectations of her King but the heart of the woman wanted to run and warn Thor of the doom hanging over him.

She closed her eyes for a short moment inhaling the fresh cool afternoon air.

There was no way that she could ever disobey her King. She felt her eyes burn as the first tears were making their way down her cheeks. She looked up at the hard face of the man in front of her.  
Her lip was shaking with an upcoming sob which she tried to repress.

''Of course milord.''

.  
.

Odin nodded in recognition of the simple statement, turned and started to walk away.

''You knew I would obey your order.'' He heard Sif mutter.

Odin stopped and turned back to look at the maiden warrior. She was still kneeling in the soft green grass where she fell to her knees. ''Yes I knew it. I saw it.''  
The wind was billowing out his long red cloak and his now greying hair was falling in his face.  
He felt old and tired. Now after all those centuries of unbelievable knowledge and wisdom he wasn't sure about some of his decisions. He wasn't sure if his never ending quest for wisdom and knowledge was worth it giving his eye ... because in the aftermath, if he thought about it more clearly, he gave more than just his eye. He gave his son. He gave his sanity. He lost so much more than just a part of his body.  
But one thing was sure – he would probably do it all again, because to great was the desire in him to possess wisdom and ultimate knowledge. He wanted to be the greatest being in the nine realms. He wanted to be the greatest King that Asgard has ever seen. He wanted to be loved and sought out if problems were troubling his subjects' minds and if their hearts were heavy with sorrow he wanted to be the one with all the answers. But what he was not able to see was that he was also feared.

What good does it do if you hold all the wisdom in your hands but there is no love in your heart.  
What good does it do if you hold all the knowledge and you have reached all your goals but you realize that you are all alone and that there is only darkness to share your happiness with?

.

Sif was falling forward on her hands and knees, trying to find her composure and serenity again.  
She felt so small and lonely.  
''Why me?'' She asked with a broken voice she barely recognized. She hide her face in her hands and sobbed openly now.

''It must be you, so that our future can be revealed. I am sorry if this troubles you. You have two days to prepare yourself and all the things that you need. I want you to leave the palace at the first light of second day... Then I want you to do your duty. Understood?''

He was not waiting for another comment of the broken woman kneeling on the ground in front of him. He simply turned around and left the scene.

''Yes... milord...''

.  
.

Sif was held captive in a world of agony.  
Sleep didn't come easily and her whole body was in pain by the end of the first day.  
She didn't even know how many hours she spent in her chambers crying and begging some higher force to change faith, to change Odins mind. But she knew that this would never happen. Odins will was ultimate and unyielding. She knew that his order was final. There was no way out for her. But there was also the question of how to perform this duty? How was she to kill the God of thunder?  
How was she to kill the man that her heart belonged to?  
She felt agony and despair. The inner war was raging in her mind and her heart. Loyalty was fighting love and devotion to her King was battling affections for the man that she was, after all this time still desperately in love with.  
How was she to act?  
Was she to disobey her King and her Kingdom? Thor would live but Odins words were still heavy in here ears. 'Everybody's destiny...'' what was the meaning of this? It must have something to do with Loki. It always had something to do with Loki. She felt anger creeping up inside her again.  
Loki. Thor would be with her if it weren't for Loki. It was all his fault that she lay here, crying, broken and Odins order loaded on her shoulders. She was certain that Odin was not telling her everything but she was sure that it must have something to do with Loki. It was his fault. It was always his fault. She hated him. She abhorred this man with all her being.  
She could be happy with Thor, in love, raising a family, being his future queen... but all those dreams meant nothing since all that Thor saw was Loki!

She wasn't even sure if her hatred was only centred on Loki anymore. Her hatred was flaring, burning and the flames were becoming an all consuming supernova. Suddenly – blinded by her pure rage against all the men that were constantly hurting her - the All-Father who wanted her to kill his only heir and the man that she was in love with, Thor who rejected her affections and Loki who took her happiness away – she cried out and finally found the strength that she needed to get up.

She stood up from her bedding and wiped the angry tears from her face.  
Sif went to the doors and tore them open to storm out and ran through the halls towards the weapons vault.

''I need my weapons... and give me two long swords. I have to leave for battle.'' She said to the guards at the vault.  
They gave her what she asked for without many questions.

After being equipped with her weapons she went for the golden hall where she knew to find Odin probably sitting on his throne.

She strode through the long halls of the palace. Long and angry steps took her step for step closer to the one eyed King of the realm of Gods. In front of the gates to the golden hall she came to an abrupt halt. Sif tried to clear her mind and repeated all the things that happened since her arrival in Jotenheim. How sure she has been that after Lokis fall everything would change and that she would finally find peace and that maybe Thor too might change his point of view? Maybe finally see her as a woman and take interest in her and feel something for her as well. But those were mare dreams of a child. There were no such things as hope and love. How foolish has she been as to imagine that anything would change! How foolish of her to believe that her feelings would ever find reciprocation. She should have known that even if Loki really would have died Thors love would always be Lokis. There is no room for another in the heart of the God of thunder. There will never be room for her.  
She couldn't deny that even now she wanted and desired Thor. The love she felt for the blond man was destructive but still so wonderful.  
That moment when she recognized the Joten price as Loki must have been the most horrible and shocking moment for her since she knew that Thor would not leave him again. And that now Thor was forever out of her reach.

She clenched her fist. Her face gave no sight of emotions and of the inner war that she was still fighting. Her features were hard and fixed on the white marble floor.

She would make Loki feel the same pain that she felt.  
She would take Thor away from him.  
She would take Thor away from him forever.

There was a kind of madness taking hold of her. She felt light headed and her heart was pounding like crazy. The only sound that she was realizing was the sound of the mad gushing and rushing of blood pulsing through her veins and it was almost like a mad drumming in her ears.  
She took a step closer to the huge massive gate and the guards opened the doors for her.

Swiftly she moved towards the massive golden throne where Odin was seated.

Sif fell to her knees. ''I will be leaving now my King.''

''I see. You have made up your mind then.''

Sif looked up, her face still completely impassive and blank of all emotion and reaction. She would keep her feelings to herself. She was a warrior.

''Yes I have. Do I have your permission to leave milord?''

Odin languidly got up from his throne and walked towards the maiden warrior. When he stood directly in front of the brown haired woman he almost gently touched her shoulder and looked at her fair face. ''You have my permission. Do you have all you need?''

''Yes my King.''

.  
.

Her arrival back in Jotenheim was not unnoticed. The guards of the palace were of course awaiting her return, since she told King Laufey that she would only leave for some time to report Odin about the progress of the negotiations. They made their way back to the castle in no time and the guards escorted her back to the hall where King Laufey would be waiting with Helbindi and the rest of the asgardien party.

''Ahhh the maiden warrior has decided to join us again. It is good to have some female glory in this round of testosterone.'' Helbindi exclaimed full of joy.  
Sifs cheeks turned pink at Helbindis exclamation.  
''Well.. Yes, I have returned. I am deeply sorry that it took me so long to join you here again. The All-Father wanted to discuss some private matters with me.'' She took a few steps closer to the round table where she saw Hogun and Fendral seated next to Helbindi and King Laufey.  
''Oh not at all my dear! It means a lot to us that the All-Father is interested in this negotiation! I hope that he gives us some more time for negotiation? Since we weren't really able to talk much I fear...'' King Laufey explained in a friendly manner.  
Sif was repelled to answer because it wasn't really like she and Odin were talking about the negotiations. Still she knew her duty. ''Yes indeed,... All that he desires is peace and it doesn't matter how long this negotiation will take... I think that all that matters to both our realms is peace.'' Oh how she hated herself in that very moment. How easy it was to speak lies while looking at those hopeful faces. She knew exactly that peace probably was the last thing that Odin desired.

Helbindi swiftly got up from his seat and clapped his hands. ''Well spoken Lady Sif. I have to say your clear tongue just makes you even more beautiful.''  
The other participants, seated at the table also got up from the table and smiled at Sif, also clapping.  
Hogun stroked her back and smiled at her lovingly. ''Yes indeed. We all missed your presence.''  
Sif looked around and realized that both, Thor and Loki, were absent.  
''Were are Loki and Thor?'' She asked.  
Helbindi laughed out loud. ''Ha! You mean the love birds? They disappeared never to be seen again I fear. But now that we are complete again I think that we should look for them and rip the sweating bodies apart for some short hours... They can continue with their love play later and...''  
''Helbindi! I think Lady Sif got enough information... We all have a _very_ clear image on what they are doing.'' King Laufeys face turned flaming red and he turned his face away in a very awkward way.  
Helbindi still continued giggling. ''Well at least one of us has fun...''

Hogun and Fendral were coughing and laughing.

''Helbindi would you be so kind, go and look for your brother and the Prince? And please,... at least try and be decent.'' King Laufey couldn't help but grin at his son. Who immediately left the hall and went to find his brother and the God of Thunder.

.  
.

My voice was raw and my throat was hurting from all the screaming that I had been doing for the last couple of hours.  
My hands were clenching my lovers back in a desperate manner. I needed him closer. The closeness of our bodies rubbing against each other was not nearly enough. ''Thor! I need you closer.''  
He leaned down to pick up my sore body and lifted me on his lap. ''Ride me. Yes just like that... Move your hips my love. I will hold you close to me... close to my heart.'' He took my hand in his bigger one and moved it to his hard chest where I could feel his thundering heartbeat. It felt like his thunder was pounding right under my hand. I moaned out loud and threw my head back. In a frantic manner I moved my hips faster. I felt his massive, rock hard erection rubbing at the inside of my tight passage.  
''You feel so good... so good inside me!''  
''Yes my love right where I belong! You belong to me. Say it. Say that you belong to me Loki.''  
I felt dizzy, his possessiveness always had that effect on me.  
I tried to get a grip of his shoulders and move in a steady pace – up and down, faster, harder, deeper.  
''Thor... Thor! I am yours!''  
His hands took hold of my hips in an almost bruising grip and his hips snatched forward, pushing inside me so hard and deep without mercy that it took my breath away. I let my forehead fall against his shoulder and started moaning and whimpering. It just felt so good.  
''Yes you should know that you will always... always belong to me. Loki... Loki... I love you... always!''  
With every trust he put emphasis on his words and I felt light headed with passion and the obsessive love that was rushing through my veins was making me so feel so excited.  
I was sucking on the tender flesh of his neck. I wanted to leave marks that would show that he also was mine alone. Not only Thor was captured by a possessive rage. My fingers moved to his head and got tangled in his golden hair and gripped it tightly while my other hand moved to his back to add some more scratches to his already sore back.

''I want to come inside you Loki... I want to fill you.''  
I felt his hot breath on my neck where he was also sucking and kissing my skin.  
Hearing his voice in such a manner; deep, dark, lustful and full of passion, made me lose my composure completely.  
''I'm so close Thor!'' I whimpered. ''Please..., don't stop! Harder!''

His hands on my hips moved to my back, to my buttocks and pulled them roughly apart.  
''Your arse is so nice... But it's just so much nicer with my cock inside you, when your hole is filled with my seed.''

He stopped moving all of a sudden and just pushed his huge cock all the way inside me.

''Do you feel me? How hard I am? That is what you are doing to me. Only you Loki. It has always been you.''

Wantonly I tried to get more friction and moved my hips. ''Please Thor just move! Ah!''  
''I love it when you beg.'' He was biting my neck and after a few seconds of giving me the sweetest torture he immediately complied too my plea and with a few final trusts he pushed me over the edge. I screamed out in wild pleasure as I felt my climax rushing trough my body and Thors cum coating my insides.

He immediately pulled me closer and huddled us under the many blankets of the huge bed.  
I let my head drop on his chest and kissed the sweaty skin in a sweet tender manner.  
''I love you Thor... More than anything.''  
''I love you just as much Loki. Probably even more.''  
He pulled me closer as he pulled the blankets around our bodies that were still caught in the aftermath of passion. He was taking in deep gulps of breath and with the back of his hand he was wiping away some sweat that was transpiring on his forehead.  
I had to grin in a kind of wicked way because even if we just made love for the last couple of hours I only had one thing in mind...

.

''Are you done? Is it safe to come inside?''  
The lovers suddenly heard a hysterical laughter from outside the chamber doors.  
''Sorry... Sorry... It's just... Cumming inside... Sorry, I couldn't help myself.''

''Helbindi!'' I screamed. ''Is there some great important thing that you wish to discuss or do you just want to mock me again?!''

I was still able to hear my brothers giggle and then suddenly the door cracked open a bit and Helbindis head poked inside. ''Oh good you are decent. Well yes actually there was something that I was to discuss with you. Father wanted to know if we may see you again sometimes or if Thor fucking your brains out has made it impossible for you two to attend the negotiations again.''

My face turned hot and red and I buried my face under the pillows.

''King Laufey wanted to know that?'' Thor was laughing too now.

''How can both of you find amusement in this?'' I muttered.

Helbindi moved closer to us and sat at the end of the bed. ''Well maybe he didn't phrase it like that you know...''

''Oh he didn't? Why am I not surprised.'' Thor was still laughing and stroking my back lovingly.

''But there are news that he wanted me to tell you. Lady Sif has returned from Asgard and we wish to continue with the negotiations if you would like to join us.''

I looked up at my brother and nodded enthusiastically. ''Yes of course we will join you.''

''That is good to hear. Then I will leave you two to make yourself presentable. I will see you both in the hall.'' Helbindi got up with a huge smile plastered on his face.

.  
.

''Somehow I have a bad feeling. Sifs stay in Asgard took quite some time. What do you think took her so long? And what great business do you think my Father had to talk about with her? Why do you think that he sent for her in particular? It just bothers me that there is so much that I don't know. That there was so much that my father kept from me... and I can't help but wonder how much more there is that he is keeping from me. What is he planning? What is going to happen? It drives me wild not to know what is going to happen next. I worry about you and our future and I wish nothing more than to keep you safe and sound. Sometimes I wish I could lock you away – far away – from all that is bad and that might hurt you. I am afraid that all this is going to end bad... I never thought that I would be the one would say such things but I have the feeling that Odin had all this planned out and I feel like a puppet on strings, helpless and this is driving me mad. I just wish... I wish I could turn back time, so you and I could run away. Far away and all of this doom would never reach us.''

Thor held me close and buried his face in my neck. I closed my eyes to enjoy this simple act of showing affection. My hands gently stroked his back and came to a rest on his hips. I opened my eyes, but all I could see was a mop of blond hair that was covering almost all of my face.  
I had to repress a sneeze since his hair was tickling my nose.  
Gently I pushed the few golden strands away from my face and made him look at me.

''Not even I can give you the answers to those questions. I don't know what is going on in the All-Fathers mind. I don't understand him anymore. I feel like he isn't the man that I used to know anymore. Odin has changed. The journey to the Norns has changed him to such extent; even you must have realized that. When he told me about the journey and what the wise Norns have foreseen I felt like I was talking to a completely different man. I begged him to look at me but there was no love in his eyes anymore. He said that there is no escaping our destiny and that I shouldn't fight it.  
We will have to talk to Sif and ask her about her talk with Odin. I just hope that there isn't too much damage done. But let's not talk black, let's not despair, we should try and be a bit more optimistic. At least you. I remember that it was actually always you who told me things like '..the joys of life, and we should be celebrating all night and day ,... and who needs a reason... life itself is reason enough for celebration.' And things like' stop being so pessimistic...' so now I will tell you, my love, all will be well. I have no fear. Not anymore. I felt fear and despair. I thought that I lost all reason for life and that I was lonely and all I had left was the deepest darkness of an never-ending abyss trying to feed on my insides. But I am still here. I am still alive. I thought that I would never see you again and yet here you are right in front of me. Please do not give up hope.  
Here, give me your hands. Take all my strength and all my love. Let it nurture you and take away your fears and anxious feelings of sorrow for I do not wish your heart to be burdened with such feelings. Give them to me for I can take it.''

''Give back my sorrow and give me yours. All I need is the knowledge of your undivided love that is what kills all thoughts of harm and I will no longer talk of fear and uncertainty. Tell me just one sweet incarnation of affection and courageousness is back in my bones. Of course I fear that some harm came over Sif and my mind is troubled with all that lies in the future but let me tell you, my love was never stronger and clearer than in this very moment. And I want you to know that every word I said I meant for sure. I will never leave your side again. I will follow you where ever you go. Never do I want to be separated from you again.''

''You swore this to me. Don't break this vow.''

''Never. Or I shall die a hundred thousand deaths.''

I smiled and leaned in to kiss his lips one last time.

.  
.

They languidly moved through the long halls of the ice castle towards the great hall where they knew King Laufey, Helbindi and the others would be waiting. Suddenly they heard fast steps approaching them. They turned around and saw a hooded figure swiftly moving towards them. They heard the clinking of metal. That sound that every warrior was all too familiar with. That sound of a sword being pulled out of its sheath.

Loki took a step forward and with every step he took his skin slowly changed back into a pale blue and his eyes turned into a murderous bloody red.  
Thor realized that Loki reached for his own sword. ''Who are you and what do you want?!''

''I came to take his life.''

Thor was left without words and just stared at the stranger.

''And who sent you to take his life? And who are you anyway that you think that this task is so easily performed? This is just outrageous!''  
Thor felt Lokis rage practically vibrating and echoing in the whole room. Thor reached for Mjölnir. The mighty hammer was now safe in his hands.

''Answer him! Who sent you?''

The stranger shifted around a bit until a faint murmur reached our ears.

''Speak up! Speak loud and clear or are you ashamed to tell us the name of your master!?''

I watched with mild amusement as Loki strode towards the hooded man and grabbed him by the coat. I observed how Loki held him and they obviously talked but it was to quiet for me to hear. So I just stood and watched when suddenly Loki dropped the other and took some steps back away from the man.

''What is it Trickster, got a knot in your silver tongue? Ay, it is me! And it was Odin who sent me.''

The hood was ripped away and Thor stared wide eyed at the fair face of Sif.

''Sif? How is this possible? I don't understand my friend. Tell me that this isn't real.''

''Then I must disappoint you Thor. It is real. We are no longer children, playing hide and seek. Those wonderful days of joy and fun are long over. We are grown up now and you have to realize that the world we've been living in has changed. I have changed. I am a woman now... Have you never seen how much I loved you?! Why him!? Why couldn't you love me! I would have given you all you needed, all you wanted. I would have given you an heir. I would have given you everything. But those dreams I have closed them away long time ago. Odin has sent me to kill you, ay, and I will not disobey my King. You have to die.''

''Sif this is madness. You are one of my closest friends and companions. Why can we not talk about those things? And why does my father want to see me dead?'' Thor took a few tentative steps closer to the angry, hurt and desperate woman in front of him.

''It is too late to talk about things. You have decided which path you want to take. And I have decided which one I will go. I have to obey my King. The All-Father said that you have to die so everybody's destiny can be revealed.'' She tightened her grip on her sword and moved in a fighting position. ''Fight me.''

''Sif please listen to me. Odin has gone mad! He is talking about Ragnarök. Are you really blinded by your anger, do you really hate me so much that you cannot see the truth anymore?'' Loki pushed Thor behind him and looked Sif right in the eyes. He saw the unshed tears and the red rims underneath her eyes that spoke of many tears being shed before coming here.  
''I know that we had a very difficult time and a very difficult relationship but please listen to me when I say that we can leave all this behind and start anew. You do not have to do Odins bidding. You are a free woman. You are a strong warrior. Please remember who you are!''

''I know who I am and what I am. I know what I have to do. I will show you just how much pain I felt because of you. YOU TOOK AWAY ALL MY HAPPINESS! I WILL SHOW YOU HOW MUCH PAIN I HAVE FELT ALL THESE YEARS! I wish nothing more than to give you the same kind of pain that I have felt. Odin is just giving me the perfect opportunity. I will make you watch when I ram my sword trough his body and make him bleed. I will let him die slowly and painfully and I will make you watch.''

''NO!''

Loki raced towards Sif and their swords clashed.  
''You must be crazy woman , if you think that I would let you hurt him.''  
''Maybe Odin was right after all... Maybe we all serve a greater purpose and maybe Thor really has to die have you thought about this?''  
Loki screamed in rage as his sword was clashed against Sifs again and again. They were battling before for training but this wasn't fun anymore. They were out for the kill and they were both fuelled by hate and love. ''You took him away from me!''  
''He just fell in love with _me_! You stupid wench!''  
With a quick movement of her fingers she got a small object out of her back pocket. She was already breathing heavily, she had completely forgotten how talented Loki actually was with the sword.  
She was only able to block hit after hit.  
She took a step backwards and realized that her back hit one of the pillars. She looked at Loki and lowered her sword. ''I surrender.''

''I am glad you say so. Lower your sword, put it on the floor and come with me.''

Loki was just too faithful because the moment he heard the sword hit the floor he turned away from Sif to walk back where Thor stood. But in that one single fleeting moment Thor screamed his name and Sif was holding a dagger to his neck.

''You have changed silver-tongue. So trust worthy of your enemy? Nanana, I wouldn't move if I were you. I have poisoned this dagger.'' She turned away from Loki to find Thors gaze being fixed upon her. His hand was tightly gripping Mjölnir. ''If you attack me now my hand might slip a bit, and I don't actually know how much poison I have put on the blade, so maybe a little cut and your little whore will be wrenching and choking like he should be.'' An almost sadistic kind of a smile was plastered on her already mad looking face. ''What would you do for him? Would you give your life to safe him?'' She looked at Thor, waiting for an answer.

Thor was staring wide eyed, terror and fear were clearly written all over his face and it was making him shake. He never would have thought that he would ever be in such a situation that could be compared to a horrible nightmare. He had to act and he had to act quickly.  
''You already know my answer Sif.'' He answered. Thor was surprised that his voice sounded so calm for he was everything else but calm. He felt like crying and screaming but all that came out was his calm voice full of serenity and easiness.

''You would die for him?''

''I would happily give my life for Loki. I love him more than anything and I am sorry that this is the reason for your pain. But please, Sif, I am begging you. Lower this dagger. Let him go. Please leave Loki out of this. This is madness.''

''Is it?! IS IT!? We will see who has gone mad!''  
Loki felt her shiver. He wasn't sure if it was because she was so angry or if it was because of the utterly devastation of last hopes of a broken woman. All of it was happening too fast and suddenly Loki felt a sharp pain at his side.

.

I felt dizzy. I groaned and whimper as I felt a horrible disgusting sensation rushing through my body.  
Slowly Sif pulled the dagger out and pushed my body aside.  
I fell to my knees and held my side. With a blurred vision I looked down on my hands and saw blood.

''Noo! Loki!''

I heard Thor calling out my name but everything was a blur. Thor, who came running towards me, was nothing but an image of colours and blurred shapes.  
I fell on my hands and tried to breathe normally but even that was hard now. Did she really poison the dagger? Was I to die now? But that would mean that the prophesy of the Norns was wrong, that Odin had had seen a wrong future and I would be free.  
But what freedom was this if I couldn't spend it with my love?  
What freedom is this to me if I wouldn't be able to be with Thor?  
At least darkness took me away from reality and all I could think of were white linen sheets.

''Thor...''

.

No, no, no! He ran as fast as he could to be at Lokis side.  
He never felt such fear not even on the most gruesome battlefield. But he already saw Loki sink to his knees just mare seconds after being stabbed. Thor reached Loki and heard him utter his name in a broken way, but still so sinfully sweet that it brought him the most wonderful agony that only Lokis voice could bring. Thor kneeled next to the lifeless body of Loki and took his hand in his bigger one.  
''No, no, no, no. You are not dead. You cannot be dead. That is simply not possible. How can you leave me! Loki please I am begging you by all the stars in the sky, please open your beautiful eyes! Tell me that you just tricked me my love! What am I supposed to do without you? ''

He took the light body of Loki in his arms, he pulled him closer and buried his face in the raven hair. He closed his eyes and inhaled the sweetest scent. The tears were burning in the blue eyes of the Thunder God. The lifeless body of the younger man felt heavy now in this state.  
Thor looked at the pale blue face; his hands gently caressed the soft skin of Lokis cheek.  
''You are not dead. How could you be dead? That is just not possible. You are probably just mocking me again and every second now you will open your beautiful eyes and laugh at me. Will you wake up now Loki?''

He knew exactly that he would not. He held Lokis body close and he wasn't able to feel any heartbeat anymore. He sobbed into the dark black hair, wrapped his arms around the dead body of his lost love.

''Kill me, Sif... I have already lost everything, so take my life too and let me join my love in Valhalla. I wish to be reunited with him in death.''

He heard the same sound as before, a sword was being pulled out of its sheath.  
He was breathing fast and irregular and he was almost choking on the tears that were spilling from his took Lokis hand in his. A strange kind of serenity was suddenly coming over him and he felt no fear. He closed his eyes as he heard metal cutting through the air.

''soon... Loki.''

The sound of metal tearing trough flesh was disgusting.  
Flesh was ripped open and bones were cracked, blood was flowing and the long blond hair of the God was falling. Sif was falling to her knees and took the head in her arms to gently wipe the golden strands of hair from the dead face. She looked at the glassey eyes and closed the lids for one last time.  
She put her foreheade close to Thors cheeks and let her tears flow freely. Sif screamed and sobbed in the mob of blond hair. She held the head in her arms and lovingly caressed the pale cheeks. Her whole body was covert in blood.

While she was kissing the face of the beheaded man she completely forgot about Loki. There was a soft sound, a whimpering and a groaning. Sif then finally turned around and looked at Loki who was lying underneath the dead body of Thor. Sif moved closer and dragged the dead body of the God of Thunder off of Lokis. ''Still alive? I really should have poisoned that damn thing..''

''ouu..My head... What ... what... No...What have you done?! NO! GOD NO!''

.  
.

I felt sick when I realized what Sif held in her arms. It was a head. A blond head. And the body that this beautiful head had belonged to was lying right in front of me.  
I stared at the woman who was still lovingly caressing Thors dead pale cheeks. I felt sick.

''What have you done Sif?''

''With Thor or with you?''

''Just tell me what happened. So I can rip your tongue out, slit your throat and rip your head off.''

''Oh. A lovers revenge. Well I didn't lie about poisoning the dagger but it was just a very light poison that made you fall asleep and made your heart stop for a few minutes. And about Thor...I told you that I wouldn't disobey my King. I loved Thor more dearly than you did. I know I did. I would have been the greatest Queen that Asgard has ever seen. I would have given him an heir and all that he needed and wanted. We would have been perfect together. But like always... always!... you had to DESTROI EVERYTHING! I hate you... Because he loved you! You took him away from me!''

I stared at her.

''I didn't kill Thor and neither was I the one giving you the order to kill him. Odin gave you the order to kill Thor and you took the sword and cut off his head. You killed the man we both loved. But still... before I can fully give into my emotions and feelings of pain and grief... that you have caused me...I will take your life. But if that is any consolation your head will not be the last one on my plate. There are some more that I wish to see rolling before my feet. I will feel the greatest satisfaction when I will be walking over Odins dead body. And that will be only the start of my revenge!''

In one swift movement Loki took the sword that was lying next to Sifs feet - The blade was still bloody from the last execution – and walked around her kneeling form. He took a grip of the brown mop of hair and ripped her head back. ''Let me _hear_ you scream.''

A loud scream of agony was heard that abruptly stopped when the short torture was over.

Loki held the head by the brown hair to look at the dead, pale emotionless face. Sifs unmoving features were staring back at him. He felt tears running down his cheeks and softly he spoke to the dead bodies that were laying to his feet.

''There is no way out... We cannot escape our destiny... ''

There was blood and chaos all around him and his naked feet were washed in the red essence of men.  
'Where is the difference between love and hate?  
where is the difference between duty and revenge?  
Tell me a lie, my love, and sing me to sleep with the sweetest proclamations of love.  
I will never leave you  
never be far away  
never be out of your reach.  
Tell me a lie, my love, and show me the darkest desire in your heart.  
I will take them down and  
rip them apart.  
I will be baptized in blood.  
I will show them true love.  
Tell me a truth, my love, and give me your hand.  
I will find you,  
No matter how far away you are,  
No matter how long it takes,  
No matter the distance between us...  
wait for me and I will tear down the world,  
make it burn and start anew.  
For you I will build a castle made of clouds.  
I will see you again.  
Will you wait for me?'

* * *

TBC.

please do not hate me for killing Thor and Sif...it is important for the rest of the story.  
please review.


	9. Chapter 8 - destruction

_A/N: A little belated Christmas gift for aeron4 , and for me as well xD because I'm sooo excited that I passed my literature exam! Isn't that the best Christmas present ever?  
Read, have fun, and please do not forget to leave a review! It would make my day! _

* * *

.  
.

I will let this world drown in bitter tears of lies  
that spilled like rivers from my eyes.  
The salty substance that made my eyes burn  
will make blood spill and let you all choke on sour spit and bitter bile.  
I want to watch how you despair,  
while smoke and acid fills the air.  
I want to watch how you crumble in front of me.  
I will be the director of this act of pure cruel victory.  
I will direct you towards your bloody end.  
This book of doom was not written by my fair hand,  
which is now swollen and broken by the tight grasp  
it had on my fellow sword.  
My lungs are sore and wound from screaming it out into the world,  
I die pronouncing this one true word.  
This play of murderer and madness within  
was the pure idea of a one eyed King.

The world will go down with the sound of my crying and laughing.  
How I will rejoice when the dark clouds of doom go crashing,  
all the dirt and misery will be washed away,  
and all that is left of the world's decay,  
are stories of hate and envy of some greater beings clashing.  
I will stand and watch how the crying ebbs down,  
how silence will fall upon the fields of battle compound,  
how dead bodies pile up like huge hills of rotten flesh and broken bones.  
I will stand with tears struck upon my icy face  
and from my lips you will only hear sad songs of woes.  
My emotions are drowning in the chaos  
like my feelings that have died with you long ago,  
and were once was a proud noble man  
you will now only find a long lonely shadow.

This is how the world will come to an end,  
in a chaos of blood and dirt and kinship pretend.  
It is a place where raging monsters are fighting for their last breath  
in a hopeless battle for revenge, love and death.

I am baptized in red water.  
It is hot and all around me. My face, my hands, my whole body is washed with the essence of men.  
I am walking through the red rivers and feel the ugly liquids sink into my skin.

The sun is slowly rising and paints the horizon in burning hot colours.  
And while the sky is on fire, so is my heart,  
the battle goes on.  
This is war – A place where time stands still and all will come to an end.  
This field of ashes and bloody rivers where bones make bridges, is the place where swords will break and heads must roll, where last words will be spoken and enemy's eye will meet enemy's frowning brow. It is a place where lovers take revenge and kings will lose their regal rights, where armies march and soldiers fight.

.

I gasped and tried to get some more air into my sore lungs. Just another horrible vision...  
But as I looked down to my feet, I just had to realize that vision and reality were starting to blur.  
There was blood pooling at the tips of my toes and it was drenching my cloths. It was practically all over me. I also felt that my cheeks were wet and realized that tears were still pouring out of my eyes.  
With a silent scream I let go of the brown haired head I realized I still had in my hands. It fell to the ground with a simple thud.

I stood very still in the now all too silent halls of my father's castle. An ugly feeling of abandonment overcame me. I looked around me as if there was anybody waiting for me, as if anybody was there to hold my hand and give me some advice or consolation.  
The mighty blue pillars of the halls suddenly reminded me of Asgard. It seemed that no matter where I was I was alone. The bloody sword was slowly slipping from my trembling hands and composure left my shivering body.

I let the sword slip through my fingers and it made an ugly splashing sound when the metal hit the icy ground that was soaked with the blood of the man I loved and the woman I have just killed.

I fell to my knees and wept. Almost blinded by the tears I cried, weakly I took Thors head from Sifs dead hands and gently pressed it against my chest. I kissed his forehead and the blond locks, his lids and his mouth. I wept into the golden locks of my lost love.  
I knew that this would be the only moment I would be given to properly mourn him.  
I lifted my head to look at the pale, almost ash grey face. It looked deformed and unfamiliar.  
''This is not how it was supposed to be... This is not how we were supposed to be. You promised to be with me. You promised...''  
I rocked forth and back and with trembling hands I stroked the grey cheeks and kissed the dead lips.  
This was no goodbye.  
''I will see you again. No matter how long it will take ... Wait for me, I will find you. I love you.''

.

I didn't know how long I sat there waiting for the world to end, take me, break me, rape me, suck me up and spit me out again. I've had it all.  
I heard the cracking of a door and suddenly there were fast steps approaching me. Next I heard the whispers of men that turned into screaming and simple gasps of pure disgust or shock.  
I lifted my head to look up to see what those noises meant and my immediate gaze fell onto my brother. ''I guess negotiations are over then.'' He simply said.  
''There never were any negotiations. Odin sent her to kill Thor.'' I told him with a broken voice.

''Traitor! Villain! That is completely absurd! Sif would never try to kill Thor! She loved him! Those are lies! That is what you are very good at, aren't you silver-tongue?! You probably killed him yourself! Sif was right you were always jealous of Thor. Probably they have told you something you didn't like and finally you saw a reason to get rid of them, so you just slaughtered them both!'' Hogun exclaimed.  
Suddenly, out of pure anger of this accusation, I found some of my strength and stood up. In one fluid movement I stood in front of the black haired man.  
''This is simply outrageous! How dare you speak to me like that! I loved Thor more dearly than any of you did. He was my south, my north my sun and my moon. He was my light and my dark. He was my strength and my weakness. You know nothing of the love we shared. HE WAS EVERYTHING TO ME, AND SHE TOOK HIM FROM ME! So don't you dare raise your voice against me and speak about things that you don't understand. But there is one thing that I will admit... I killed Sif. And I would do it again. I revenged my love and that right you cannot take from me. It is my princely right, given by Asgards law, to live and fight for the one you love – and that I did.''

''But what are you saying there? Are you accusing our great King, Odin, to have sent forth Lady Sif to have murdered his own son! His only heir on top if that! That is not only outrageous but simply a shameful thing to say! How dare you speak in such a despicable way of Odin! Have you truly cut all bonds with Asgard that no more feelings of loyalty and love for your fellow companions are to be found in your heart?''

I stood still; eyes blown wide and pure shock took away all other feelings of sorrow.

''Are you accusing me of lying?! I speak of Odin the way I find fitting! And since it was his decision to send that bloody woman to kill Thor, his _only_ son,.. thank you for reminding me that I am not related by blood to this cohort of mead drinking, being-merry-all-day-long-oafs... I will give my fury and grief speed and let my talk be filled with abhorrence! So why should I feel any kind of relation to that old man who is sitting on his shining throne all day long, brooding over our destiny? ... Oh! Hasn't he told you why he wanted you all to come hither? Well then I think to tell that lovely tale is my business too. I am still waiting anxiously to see how much more lovely work that rotten pile of old flesh has burdened upon my shoulders.''

I felt more anger bubble up inside me like some ugly stew waiting to spill its insides out.

''I do not understand a word...You speak in riddles.'' Fenral and Hogun looked at each other and back at me. ''What are you talking about?''

''This may take some time.. Shouldn't we go somewhere we can sit down?'' Helbindi came up to my side and gently took my hand in his. ''Come brother, you look exhausted. Take my hand.''  
He was right I felt the exhaustion taking a grip on my whole body. I felt weak and sick. Slowly, with sure and composed steps my brother led me over the bloody floor.  
We left behind the massacre of lovers and entered another room that was clean and untouched by the smell of death.  
It was a smaller room, with a little group of couches and chairs standing in the centre.  
Helbindi ushered me to sit on one of the chairs and left me there for a moment.  
I heard him talk to a servant in an adjoining room; to bring him some water and something to get all the blood of me. The servant was back quite fast and Helbindi made his way back to me.

''Come here Loki, let me clean you a bit.''

He was kneeling in front of me and took my smaller hand his. Very gently he cleansed my pale blue skin of the red that was sticking to it. He let the towel fall into the bowl and looked up at me. '' I am so sorry brother.''  
I looked down at him with a sad smile raping my face. It was simple cruelty to my lips for even trying to smile. The grief was still to near... The shadow of a broken heart was still looming over my whole being.  
''I know... I know... But now is not the time for tears and grieving. Now must be the time to speak the truth and talk of justice.''

In the meantime my Father, King Laufey, Hogun and Fendral entered the room.

''We want answers Loki. Tell us the truth.'' Hogun stepped forward and looked down at me with an angry expression.  
''What happened while we were waiting in the hall? And there is more I wish to know... Why did you leave Asgard? What happened that night that has lead to this bloody day?''

I was sceptical. ''Will you listen to me? Will you truly listen to me and believe me what I have to say – for it is the truth and nothing but the truth.''  
The warriors were looking at each other again and I saw the same sceptical hesitation in their eyes that held me back a few seconds ago. ''We will listen to all that you have to say. And we will judge if we believe it or not after we have listened to your whole story. Does that seem fair to you?''

''Fair or foul ... It is of no matter to me. I will tell you everything and let you decide what you think of the word destiny. Because this whole story is not of great victories to celebrate, about kinship, friends and lovers to meet, sadly not... This story I have to tell you is a slightly darker one of war and hate, revenge and betrayal ... but mostly... This story is about destiny. This story is written in blood. It is written in blood of loved ones lost and betrayed women; by the man you are calling King! He is the one that will take away all your hopes and you will run after him screaming 'Yes'! Begging him for more while the world is on fire and the sky is burning! You will run after him screaming 'For death and glory!' But do you not realize that this is your certain doom? Yes, yes go on blame it all on me! I can live with that very well. I have already lost everything. You can blame that on me too, but keep in mind that it was not I who took the sword, raised it to cut the royal head from godly shoulders. It was not I who sent the broken hearted Lady heavily armed to Jotenheim with murderous intend.  
You ask me why I speak such wild and shameful accusations of your King.  
Why I do not feel any relations and any bonds to my former family and Kingdome anymore.  
That night when Odin took my hand and told me that I would be the child of chaos, the one who would lead an army against Asgard on the last day, on the day when Ragnarök would come, I begged him to look at me and tell me those were just lies. He only said that we mustn't fight our destiny. I asked him to take back those painful words, but all I got was banishment. Odin was a great king once, but all he is now, all I can see now is that he is just a shadow of what he used to be. He – the wise one, the great one and the mighty one... How despicable and hateful those words feel on my tongue! I wish I could rip it out and burn it! Odin is the one that you should ask for redemption and truth! I cannot help but speak this one last truth to you... There will be war... I will lead an army against Asgard, but not for the reasons that Odin predicted. I want my revenge. I want to see him crawl to my feet and beg for mercy and forgiveness. He, who has the blood of his own son on his hands, will pay for all that he has done.''

Helbindi got up from where he sat and stood right behind me. I felt the light touch of his hand on my shoulder. ''I will be with you in this battle. What brother would I be if I wouldn't draw swords with you? I will follow you!'' I took his hand in mine and gave him a true sincere smile. ''Thank you, Brother!''

I turned back around to look at the two Asgardiens who were still standing there, wide eyed, mouth slightly agape and sweat now standing on their foreheads.  
''I don't know what to say.'' Fendral murmured.  
''You know very well that our loyalty lies with the King of Asgard.'' Hogun stood straight and his face was scrunched up in an angry manner. ''But what are we supposed to tell Odin?''  
''Loki, Is it your wish that we go and tell Odin that you propose war to Asgard? Do you accuse the King of sending an Assassin to kill Thor Odinson?'' Fendrals face looked gravely sad as he spoke those words. He was a great warrior but still he felt fear of the impact that those words might have.

The room was filled with so many words unsaid and the silence was killing each second passing.  
King Laufey went to his sons side and put his hand on Lokis other shoulder.  
''I am old. I had high hopes of this negotiation, but I have to see that now this farce is over. Sadly but true. Instead of talking trough political metaphors I see that now the time has come to talk straight; with swords. And with that; I wish that you leave my realm and tell your great King that Jotenheim is not interested in peace with Asgard any longer! Tell Odin that killing my sons' lover in my castle walls was not a very wise decision. '' My father stood straight, tall and proud next to me. Like a true King. His red eyes were looking serious and could frighten the most courageous warrior. His shoulders were drawn back and his chest pushed out. He was a tall and strong Jotun. His face held a grim and serious expression. There was a cruel smile playing with his lips. ''With this act... Odin has decided our faith. But I will not stand by and watch this world go down without a proper fight. I will not stand by and watch the world burn and die! I will fight, one last time; I will fight for my people, for my realm and for my son! I will not let this doom fall upon him alone. Tell your King that this means WAR!''

''That was a proper war proposition, just to make it clear for your rosy baby Asgardian ears!'' Helbindi exclaimed in an overly excited manner, just before he ran out of the room and into the halls where I was able to hear him scream. ''We are at war with Asgard!''  
''We are at WAR!''

Hogun and Fendral, Laufey and I were left in the room to listen to the screams of excited, ready for battle Jotuns. My Brother would probably get them so excited that by the end of the day the whole army would be in furore about leaving as soon as possible. I touched my head softly and sighed. Oh well... Let him have some fun too.  
''We will be leaving then, to get this message to Odin.'' Fendral whispered.  
''Yes.. Yes of course.'' I looked up and nodded at him.  
''What about Thor? I mean... the body... I mean...'' He started to stammer.  
''Are you suggesting that Odin has _any_ claim to the body? _More_ than I do?! The body will remain here. You can take Sifs body with you though. And now leave. And I advise you to do so quickly because I might change my mind _and just kill you_.'' I was so enraged by Fendrals words. The simple idea that Thor would be taken back to Odin was outrageous!  
No... NO! I would not give him to ANYONE!

They were on their way back to Asgard rather quick with the dead body of Lady Sif in their care. I watched as they took their departure. I was glad when the light of the BiFröst took them away, far away from my sight.

Slowly I went back into the castle and made my way back into the hall that was still decorated by blood and the smell of death was lingering over the scene. My Father was standing at the opposite side of the hall and his gaze was fixed upon my face. ''What are you doing here Loki? You shouldn't be here.'' He took a few tentative steps towards me. Between us lay the beheaded god.  
''I know. I want to look at him one last time... '' I kneeled down and stared at the bizarre scene of icy blue that was slowly devoured by hot red. ''My poor forlorn son! I wish I could take your pain and sorrow away!''  
''Then prey for Odins death! ''

.

**TBC**

**Please leave a review.**

What do you wish for?  
1. happy ending  
2. sad ending  
3. both (like in 2 chapters)

I'm in a little conflict with myself there.. I cannot decide.. Somehow I really wish for a happy ending and I kind of have a few ideas. But on the other hand I also have a few ideas for a sad ending... so what do you think?

Who is your favourite character?

Loki  
Thor  
Helbindi  
Laufey  
Odin  
Fendral  
Hogun  
Sif


	10. Chapter 9 - meet my children

After the funeral Laufey decided to leave his youngest alone for some time.  
It was clear to his eye that Loki was feeling unwell.  
The King of Jotenheim stood at one of the huge windows and looked outside onto the icy planes of his realm. The frosty breath of eternal winter was harshly blowing in his face and he took a deep breath to inhale it. He closed his ruby red eyes and tried to relax for a short moment.  
He leaned forward onto the balustrade and opened his eyes.  
The ice and snow; it was so familiar to him and yet it still amazed him each time he opened his eyes. With each breathe he took in the live of Jotenheim. He saw each snowflake as something unique, each icy stalactite, stalagmite, each ice field and the rocky hills to the north and the waterfalls in the south ... He knew them all.

Laufey knew that this would be the last time he would be able to see his realm like this.  
He was prepared for whatever future was bestowed upon him.

He looked out of the window and saw Loki sitting very still on one particular spot in the snow.  
Laufey frowned and touched his forehead and scratched his frowning brow. ''What am I supposed to do... '' He heard someone approaching him from behind and gently putting his hands on his shoulders. ''Is he still out there?''

''Yes. I know, he is mourning... But I no longer know what to do with him, Helbindi. And war with Asgard is close on our heels! My son, you must go and talk with your brother!''

''I will. Do not worry, Father. He will listen to me.''

Helbindi simply squeezed his Fathers shoulders and turned to leave the hall.  
He found Loki still sitting in the same place, in the same position that they left him some hours ago. He approached him and kneeled next to his younger brother. He turned him around so that Loki had to look at him directly and then he spoke to him in a gently but strict manner; ''This cannot be good for you. You must come with me now Loki. Do you really wish to sit here next to the place where you have buried Thor? Do you already wish to follow him down to his early grave? Now you will look at me and tell me that you will stand up and fight! You must get up and fight Loki! Are you listening? War with Asgard is so close I can almost taste the metal of their swords on my tongue and what is my dearest brother doing? You are sitting here idly and crying your sweet eyes out when you should be running around wildly, screaming Vendetta! Come with me now my sweet baby brother and you will have your revenge! Take my hand and I will follow you to the fields of doom and we will take swords and shields together and we will fight together! I am begging you,... talk to me Loki.''  
.

I was still fighting tears when I dug my fingers in the frozen earth.  
Now you were gone. You were so far away from my reach that it was physically hurting. I felt my heart breaking with each passing second that you were not with me. I was not able to move my body away from your grave and so I just sat there and dug my sore fingers in the icy ground. The ice was ripping my skin open and my blood was slowly seeping into the snow that was covering your grave.  
I was staring out into the wide-open ranges of Jotenheim slowly forgetting what time was.  
I didn't even realize someone talking to me at the beginning. But I recognized Helbindis voice and slowly word by word my consciousness came back to me. My mind started to work again and feeling was creeping back into my body. I took in a deep breath and turned my head around to look at my Brother. ''You must help me up.''

''Of course. Here, take my hand!''

''I am sorry that I was so consumed by my grief... But I will not let you down. I will fight.''

Helbindi was extremely overjoyed and seemingly emotionally moved by my words. He immediately took me into his arms and hugged me tightly to his broad chest. ''I never doubted you!''

''Come now, take me to our Father. We have preparations to do, and I must send for my children.''

Helbindi only nodded in appreciation and so we made hasty steps back towards the castle.

.

We have gathered again in the great hall of my Fathers castle to start preparations for war with Asgard. My Brother, my Father and I and many of his advisors and ministers have come together to decide what shall be done and to talk about war strategies.

''This is madness! How can you appreciate this milord?! I mean... I mean... If _they_ come! If _she really_ comes hither!'' One of my Fathers advisors and war ministers was beside himself with worry when I pronounced that I have sent for my three children in this matter of war.  
''I don't see any problems. They are Lokis children. I am sure that my son knows how to handle them. Loki?'' I felt very happy and proud when Laufey showed so much trust in me.  
''Indeed Father. Please do not worry. Hel, Fenrir and Jörmungard can be really nice... If they want to be.''

''Should that give me any comfort now?'' The minister was a very old Jotun and he always looked angry and his face held an annoyed and hard expression. Or maybe he just didn't like me and this expression only decorated his face because my company made him grim. Oh well, I would never know. I looked at the minister and grinned. ''I thought it might calm you to know that my children are very... special.''

In that very moment a dark shadow befell the hall. The war counsel, my father and my brother called out to me what was going on but I only stayed quiet. I looked around but all I saw was darkness. I shook my head. ''My Daughter... Would you please stop with all that drama? I've had enough of that in the last few days. May I see you?''

Within seconds the shadow was gone and all the eyes in the hall were fixed upon a single woman standing at the other end of the hall. She had raven black hair that was reaching her hip. Her eyes shone in a wonderful deep dark green and her face was practically glowing in a beautiful aristocratic pale that all the man just couldn't help but stare at her beauty.

''Father.'' A simple whisper broke from her angelic lips and her voice was like music that made everything else go quiet. With fast, sure steps she was approaching Loki and immediately fell into his arms. ''Have you missed me?''  
''Of course I have. You know how I always miss you and your Brothers. The second I leave I already wish I could return to you!''  
The raven haired was purring at Lokis soft touch and hugged him closer to her delicate body.  
Soon she pulled away and with her big beautiful green eyes she looked at her Father.  
''Tell me now Father, where are Fenrir and Jörmungard? I am longing to embrace my brothers again!''  
Loki touched the pale cheek and smiled at Hel.  
''I hope that they will be here very soon.''

''That is your little girl? Hel?'' Helbindi just couldn't help himself but to ask. All the horrible stories that he heard about the cruel Queen of Niflheim, the terrible, horrible ugly Daughter of Loki, seemed so utterly ridiculous right now. ''She is a true beauty!''

Hel looked the Jotun up and down and then her gaze was fixed upon her Father again.  
''Who is that creature? Who is he that he dares to speak to us in such a way?''  
The hall fell very quiet and even King Laufey didn't really know where he was supposed to look. He looked from Hel to Loki and back to Helbindi.  
Laufey didn't really know if laughing was ok or if he should already pack his things and run away screaming. He knew the stories told about the Queen of Niflheim and he didn't want to be cross with such a mighty cruel woman.

''Helbindi, that is my Daughter Hel, Queen of Niflheim. Hel, that is my Brother Helbindi, Prince of Jotenheim. I would appreciate it if you didn't kill him.''

''I see. If that is your wish then we shall try to like him.''

Helbindi bowed to the Queen of the dead and felt a great deal of respect for his younger Brother. This little girl was probably the mightiest rulers of the nine realms. She was the one, ruling over the afterlife and the dead. She was the one who had to guide the lost soul's trough the mists into peace.  
There was no man and no woman in the nine realms that this Queen would ever bow to but only one. Loki would always be the only man that the Queen of Niflheim would obey.

Loki led her to one of the free chairs at the huge table where Hel sat down.  
''We should wait for Fenrirs arrival; I think that he would like to take part in this war meeting, you know his temper...'' A wicked smile played with Hel's lips as she continued. ''... Didn't he once try to bite your head off because you were late for a meeting? Oh do not look so shocked now 'Uncle'. My Brother loves our Father just as much as I do. He just has some ... anger-control-issues. Doesn't he?''

A loud bark, followed by a howl was echoed through the castle walls.

Hel was grinning and gracefully standing up from where she was sitting to glide over to the immensely large doors that were still closed. Only then the whole group of minister, King Laufey and Helbindi saw the rotten flesh that was free for their eyes as the long black skirt was flowing behind her. It was an ugly sign to behold and Laufey had to hold his breath as not to empty his stomach.  
Helbindi only then understood the horrible stories of the ugly Queen the moment he saw the rotten flesh, the pure decay of a dead body. But it was only the lower part of the body. The upper part was true beauty, indeed such beauty as he had never seen before in his life.  
He turned his gaze to Loki but there he only saw l a smiling man with eyes full of love for his Daughter. He wasn't able to comprehend such a thing.

At this moment Hel opened the gates and a large black wolf stormed into the great hall.  
He barked again and looked around.

''I greet thee Brother. It really seems like such a long time since we have embraced in love and peace. Will you take me in your arms now?'' Without fear Hel stood in front of the gigantic wolf and spread her arms out. The wolf went closer and in front of her he laid down. His huge face was buried in her arms and she cuddled her much smaller form into his warm fur. ''Oh Fenrir! How much I have missed you!''  
_''I have missed you too, my lovely Sister.''  
_She giggled and buried her face in the black fur. ''You haven't changed Fenrir.''

Loki went towards his two children, completely taken by love and happiness, which was a welcoming change in such sad times full of grief. ''Fenrir!''

The wolf barked in joyful happiness. _''Father!''_  
Loki also buried his hands and his face in the black fluffy fur of his son just like Hel did.

''You bring great joy to my heart with your presence my son!''

''_Father you should know that we will always come, if you call for us! But let us not dwell so much on such sentimentalities; tell me what is of such importance that we had to come hither immediately? It must be a matter of great delicacy if my dear sister is here also. I know that you do not like to leave Niflheim unguarded ... And all those people over there... They reek of fear and war... And there is something else. I cannot smell him... Your mate. Where is Thor?'' _

Loki was slowly pulling away from Fenrir and a sad look was again plastered on his pale blue features. He stumbled a bit, but Hel reacted fast and took a strong grip on his arm and guided him softly to the ground. She sat next to her Father.

''Fenrir is right... Father tell me now why have you summoned us. And ... where is Thor?''

.

Helbindi stared at the bizarre scene.  
''Father? Did you hear the Wolf speak? What did Loki answer to?''

''No... I did not hear him utter a word. It was just the barking of a wolf that came to my ears.''

''But how...What? Why do I even ask...''

He just watched as the weird family sat there together and talked about all that has happened and about future plans. Helbindi couldn't help but smile as he watched Loki cuddle with the huge black wolf. No matter how strange this whole picture might look it gave him some strange kind of happiness and tranquillity. Now and then there was a load bark from the huge mass of black fur or a shocked cry from the Queen of Niflheim, but other than that the hall was very quiet.  
Helbindi watched until Loki got up again to walk back to the rest of the group, immediately followed by his children. ''I have told them everything they need to know.''

''I see. Are we complete then?'' Helbindi looked around the hall for confirmation and wanted to continue the meeting.

''No actually our brother Jörmungard is not here yet. I am sure he will be here very soon, but we shouldn't wait any longer with preparations.'' Hel sat down at the end of the table and looked at each of the faces. Now that she knew what was going on and what has happened in her absence she was just as eager to get her hands on that old man's neck as her father. She never really liked Odin to begin with but now she really had a reason to get her troops of dead together and march to Asgard and rip that fat old man apart. ... Like he did with her family. She would never forget, and she would never forgive.  
''It will be my pleasure to take Odins soul with me. I will let him suffer for a very long time.''

Fenrir was slowly moving towards the table to sit next to his sister and his Father.  
He let his huge form sink down and thought about Odin. How that man made him suffer in the dark woods of Asgard while he was still a little pup. He was screaming for his father but Odin showed no mercy. Fenrir remembered that night when the one eyed man came and separated him from his family. He remembered how his Father begged Odin not to take them away from him and instead take his own life. He remembered how his little sister cried and then everything became dark and when he opened his eyes again he was alone in the gloomy woods of Asgard. He begged Odin to tell him what has happened to his siblings but he never told him. Until finally one day he heard a voice completely different from Odins. It was a nice voice, strong and deep. Fenrir went to see who that voice belonged to. The wolf slowly walked through the woods and after some time he met a strange man. He was tall and largely built. A fluffy mass of blond hair was on his head. The man turned around and looked at Fenrir without fear. ''I finally found you.'' He said. Fenrir was growling and barking at him but the strange man only came closer and reached out for him. ''Please do not be afraid of me. You are Fenrir, are you not? I am Thor. I know your Father very well and I just want to tell you that he is looking for you everywhere.''  
_''You know my father?''  
_Thor looked at the huge wolf and decided to take a tentative step closer. ''Yes, I know Loki. I know him very well.''  
Fenrirs ears perked up and his nose was in uproar. '_'You are his mate.''  
_''Oh, em... well...If you want to put it like that... hehe.''_  
''You are very strange, human.''  
'_'Is that good or bad?'' Thor was actually grinning from ear to ear and his cheeks were flushed.  
'_'... Good. Where is my Father at this present moment? I long to see him again! What about my sister and my brother? Tell me! Are they still alive!''_  
''Do not worry about your sibling, they are safe and sound. Loki was able to find them same time ago. But finding you was a bit harder. We have been looking for your everywhere but looking for you here in Asgard... It never came to my mind. That I found you here today was pure luck and I thank all the gods, but now I must run and tell Loki immediately of this happy news for I know that he will be so excited. I am sure that he wishes to see you as soon as possible.''  
Fenrir remembered the day when Thor came back with Lokis hand resting in his bigger one. When Lokis green eyes met the dark brown eyes of the huge black wolf he ran towards him and buried himself in the black fur. ''Fenrir!''

He would never forget the tears of joy that were soaking his fur and how tightly his father was holding him that day. He was so happy to see him again. And he would never forget the smile on Thors face. Fenrir would never forget those feelings of fear when he was alone in the woods, but he would also never forget the deep love and affection that he felt when Thor and Loki came to visit him and when they rode on his back through the forest and left all the darkness behind them.

He was looking forward to the day when Odins blood would soak his fur to wash away the bitter tears his Father had cried.

.  
.

**TBC**

_A.N.:_I have to admit that I really like writing about Lokis kids. xD They are sooo amazing! Who loves Lokis kids? *.* And which one is your favorite? (I have to admit I love Fenrir!)


	11. Chapter 10 - madness of a King

''Milord, We bring forth a war proposal of Jotenheim.''  
Hogun and Fendral kneeled in front of the huge massive golden throne of Odin.  
He sat there and calmly stared at them. ''I see. So may I take it then that negotiations are over...''  
Fendral bit the inside of his lip and held his gaze fixed on the white marble floor. ''Yes my King.''  
He didn't dare to move. Lokis words were still so fresh in his ears and now that he was in front of his King Fendral only wished to run and hide. How pathetic was that? This must have been the very first time that Fendral truly felt fear. But it was such fear that made him tremble and his whole body was shivering, his hands were shaking and his mind was at such an uproar and such a chaos that he was not able to focus on the words that Odin spoke. ''Please excuse my uneasiness my King I think I do not feel well... Please may I retire for today?''  
''Of course. We will see you later tonight.''  
''Of course, your majesty.''  
Fendral bowed his head very low and left the hall rather hurriedly. He felt a headache approaching and Lokis words were ringing in his ears. He was playing them over and over in his head. He didn't know what to think anymore. What was truth and what were lies? Fendral had a bad feeling about fighting against Loki.  
Fendral believed Loki when he swore that he didn't kill Thor. He felt very frustrated and his headache just got worse now that he thought about this whole story. What if all the things that Loki said where true...Does that mean that Odin has sent Thor and Sif to their early certain deathbed? But why? He held his head in his hands and groaned.

''Headache?''

With one fast fluid movement Fendral turned around, only to look in Odins cold dark blue eye.

''I know a headache is a true nuisance.''

''Your majesty! What...'' All of a sudden Fendrals mouth was really dry. '' How may I be of your servies?''

''What did he tell you?''

His breathing was going faster and irregular. Fendral felt his hands shaking and his knees were wobbly. He swallowed again but it was of no help. ''You Majesty. I don't know anything. I swear.''

Odin took a few steps closer to the blond man and smiled down on him.  
''I see you are afraid of me. I don't understand why. I am your King. Am I not? You love and trust your King. Do you not? What has happened in that god forsaken place full of ice and hate that suddenly you are full of fear and doubt? Hmm... Did a little bird whisper in your ear? Did he tell you tales of hatred? What did the bird look like? Was it a beautiful blue singing bird, with black feathers on his head? And what about the melody he sang? It must have been the most wonderful, loveliest melody that you have ever heard. Tell me the story that this lovely bird sang for you. I wish to hear this hateful tale. Go on! Tell me now! I order you to tell me!''

Fendral fell to his knees in front of Odin. He felt his lips quivering and his body was taken by fear. He was unable to form any words and suddenly Odins hands were gripping his face in an unmerciful grasp. Odins cold fingers were tightly holding Fendrals face and his blue eye was staring intently into the younger warriors eyes. ''You will tell me all you know.''

''I am begging you your Majesty...''

''Do not beg. Speak.''

A low whimper escaped Fendral and he tried to turn his head away from the burning gaze of the King. The impact of his gaze was simply too much for him to bear, but Odins grasp was hard and without mercy. Odins nails were digging into his skin and Fendral whimpered again in pain.  
He didn't know what to do or what to say. He didn't know what Odin wanted him to say. He didn't know what would happen if he spoke freely about the things that took place in Jotenheim. And why would Odin want to know all those things from him? Why didn't he just go to Hogun? Fendral was sure that Hogun already told Odin everything that happened.  
He closed his eyes and thought about Loki and what he said. He was certain that some truth must have been in those words and suddenly he felt that maybe he shouldn't have left Jotenheim so soon. Maybe he should have stayed with Loki.  
He opened his eyes again only to look at the hard gaze of his King again.  
He felt such fear grip his heart and knew that his death was looking back at him.  
''Loki will come for you.''

''Is that all you wish to say to your King?'' Odin looked the young man kneeling in front of him with sadness in his eyes.

''I don't know what else I should say to you. I know that Hogun told you everything that has happened in Jotenheim. And I feel that Loki was right... Madness has taken a hold of you my King. But I will stay a loyal subject until the end and if you decide that my time has come to leave your service, then give me at least a warriors death.'' Tears stung in his eyes.

He felt Odins grip loosen and he lowered his head.

''I know... Loki has that effect on people. He may be right and it may be madness that has befallen me. But what should I do if the gift of foresight if bestowed upon me. You don't know what it's like to see the future of the world in a blink of an eye. You don't know what it's like to know the destiny of all the people. I see the past, the present and the future. It may be madness as you call it, but I think that maybe it is my destiny to see to that all this destruction that I have foreseen just happens like it is supposed to happen.''

''But my King, how can you say such things?''

''It is a funny thing that Loki asked me the same question before he left Asgard. I cannot give you the answer that you might hope for. All I can give you is the reassurance that you will not see the worlds end.''

''What?... I do not understand.''

Odin took some steps forward until he stood right in front of the kneeling man. He looked down onto Fendral and with a sad smile he raised Gungnir, his golden spear. With a fast movement the golden spear was cutting trough flesh and was deeply embedded in the chest of the blond man.  
Fendral looked up to gaze into the face of Odin. His vision was already blurring as he was choking on blood and breathing was suddenly such a hard task to perform.  
Blood was soaking the dark blue tunic and was now slowly pooling around his knees.  
With a fast rash movement Odin pulled Gungnir out of the dying body and turned away. ''You have to understand that some things just have to happen and I cannot let you interfere. I am sorry.''  
Fendral coughed and choked on his own breath and fell to his side as the metal was pulled from his body. He watched as the King left him laying there on the cold marble floor of his room.  
Odin left the room without looking back.  
Fendral eyes stayed fixed on the leaving form of the King and as the doors fell shut so did his eyes for the very last time.

.  
.

**TBC.**

_A.N:_ I am very sorry that this chapter turned out to be so short but I just wanted to continue with the story.  
This chapter seems to me like a filler... -.- I am not so happy how this chapter turned out. What do you say? Well I am working on the next chapter right now, actually the last part of the story. So let me know what you think.

Please leave a review! ;O)

Happy new year. 2013!


	12. Chapter 11 - beginning of the end

_**A.N:**_For this chapter I only wanted to say that _Loki_ (in the _mythology_) has many children, _Fenrir Jörmungand and Hel_, are only three, _Slipnir_ is also Lokis child. Since Loki is not only gifted with magical abilities but also gifted with the ability of form changing he was able to change into a horse in times when Asgard was in danger (_read the story of_ _how the huge wall around Asgard was built_ and how Loki deceived them all) Loki gave birth to the little horse and named it Sleipnir and gave the little mare to _Odin_ as a present. But sadly even giving away his own child didn't help in solving conflicts between him and the other _Aesir_.

_The Einhejar_ : Dead men that weren't allowed into Valhalla. They have to fight for the Gods when Ragnarök comes.

_The Valkyries:_ warrior maidens, they serve Odin.

Those are just some important info, since I'm playing around with mythology a lot I just wanted to make sure that you all know that I am not suddenly inventing some characters or creatures.  
(Nothing is mine all belongs to Norse mythology and/or marvel comics)  
Well but enough of that let's get on with the story. ;) –JE.

.

The rustling and grunting of anxious warriors behind me made me nervous. I took in a deep breath and tried to relax a bit but that was a complete waste of time. I heard the pounding of restless horses and other war beasts that were ready to run and carry their masters forward into this last battle. I smelled the sweat and the mud. I looked around and saw the fear in some eyes in other I realized the pure rage and want to kill. The restlessness before a battle was spreading like wildfire over the Jotun warriors and the dead man warriors from Niflheim.

I sat on top of Fenrir and had a tight grip on the black fur.  
_''You are shivering father. What is wrong?''_

''Nothing. Let's go.''

Fenrir started to move towards the centre of the battle field where we stopped and waited a few minutes until Odin approached us on Sleipnir, who immediately shook his head and tried to break free from Odins tight hold. The proud Stallion was neighing in a desperate way as he recognised his father and his brother.

''_My poor brother.''  
_''Shh. That is not the time for such things.'' I petted Fenrirs head in gently manner and made him move a bit forward. ''Odin! So we meet again at last! What do you have to say?''

''Everything has been said. What else do you wish me to say?''

''What I wish you to say?! Have you gone mad? Is there no love, no mercy left in your cold heart? What happened to the man that I was looking up to? Where is the man that I once called wise, brave and strong? All I can see now is a cripple,... a mere shadow of the man I once called father. Where is the great King of Asgard? What happened to you that you had to sent me away into banishment and that the blood of your son became a better balm to your old hands? What happened to you that you became so desperate for war and hate? I do not understand. But I will stand up to my promise that if this is your wish; I shall grant it.''

We stood there for a moment cloaked in complete silence. The only sound came from the raging masses of warriors behind us, waiting anxiously for our signal to attack.

''I didn't want my son to die and neither did I want to send you away from me, but you know that there are certain things that even I have no control over. The Norns have foreseen this and I have to follow their will. They gave me the gift of ultimate knowledge and foresight and at first I didn't believe them but when I looked into the future I saw it. Loki, I saw the end before it came. I saw how the world was burning and how brother killed brother. I saw children die long before their time came and how mothers mourned their death. I saw it all and it drove me into sadness and madness.  
Some things we cannot change.  
This must happen so the world can start anew. You must understand.''

I looked at him wide eyed and I thought that if I didn't held onto Fenrir so tight I would have fallen to my knees surly. I held onto the black fur and took in a deep breath.

''You have the blood of you own son on your hands. I cannot look at you any longer. Let's part, we shall meet on the battlefield. I will kill you Odin. I will have my revenge.''

With those last words I touched Fenrirs neck to show him that I was ready to head back. He immediately turned around and ran back to the front line of the Jotun and Niflheim armies.  
With long strides he moved closer to the front line where Helbindi, Laufey and Hel were waiting for me. I looked at my Father and my Brother and with a short shake of my head I was showing them that the very short talk with Odin went not well.

Hel immediately reacted and started to scream at her dead warriors. ''Show no mercy! This is war! Do you hear me?! This is no playing hide and seek! Take no prisoners, Kill them all!''

Loki sat very still as he listened to his Daughters screams of war and death. He gripped the fur of Fenrirs back very tight.  
'' Stay with me Fenrir.''  
_''Until the end.''_  
Loki took a hold of his sword and pulled it out of its sheath. He raised it up high. Quietness fell over the mass of Jotuns and Dead Men; they were all captivated by the prince high up on the huge black wolf. Something mystical was all around him, his skin was shining in such a beautifully pale blue and his eyes were glowing in a deadly bloody red. His whole appearance was a combination of utterly perfection; beauty designed as a deadly weapon for revenge.  
They were all drawn nearer to him as he started to speak:

''Come my friends, follow me to fight this one last time!  
We mustn't yield to injustice! Do not let others decide  
what your destiny should be!  
You, warriors of Jotenheim, and Niflheim, good, strong, brave men of true design;  
What are you fighting for?  
I ask you, let's fight together today!  
I will not put lies into your heads like this one eyed King, over there.  
I will speak nothing but the truth to you!  
This shall be the last morning some of us may see,  
but we shall fight side by side and we will not yield!  
Do not give up my friends!  
Let fear and doubt not cloud  
your eyes but be strong and wild!  
Be courageous and nothing shall harm you!  
We will make our own destiny, we will revenge the ones we lost to Odins madness!  
I swear to you I will not lower my sword  
before I see the last breath leave Odins body!  
We will have our revenge!  
So I ask you to follow me one last time my friends!  
Take hold of your swords, take a grip of your shields!  
Stay together!  
Fight with me today for freedom!  
For death and glory!''

My throat felt sore from screaming and my body was shivering in anticipation of the coming rage and madness that each battle brings. I heard the screams from the other side of the battle field and I immediately knew that it would start soon.

But the screaming was not only bound to the Asgardian front, the Jotuns and the warriors from Nifleheim were barely able to contain themselves when the prince was finished with his speech. They would follow their prince everywhere, even into this battle and into their most certain doom. With an angry scream Loki pushed his feet into Fenrirs sides. With that signal the wolf pushed his heels into the mud and run forward. The two white stallions of Helbindi and Laufey hot on their heels. They were followed be a huge massive black horse mounted by Hel. The Jotuns and the warriors of Niflheim were running after their King and their Queen, with swords or axes in their hands they were ready for this battle.  
Hel drew her bow and an arrow while leaving her sword in its sheath. Her horse was moving fast and she was soon at the same level with Loki and Helbindi.  
''Hel! I want you to lead the Bows. Take them to the east wing!'' Loki shouted to his Daughter.

''Yes Father!'' She turned her horse and shouted the orders to her men who were immediately following her to the east side of the battle field where they were making themselves ready for attack.

''Helbindi! I want you to take your men to shield the west wing and watch out for the Valkyries and the Einherjar! I am sure that Odin has called for their assistance.''

''I am on my way. Good luck to you Brother!''

''May the luck be with you!''

We parted ways and only my Father stayed by my side. Side by side we rode together faster and faster until we approached the centre on the battlefield were iron would be clashing, metal would be breaking and crowns would be cracking. My sword was tightly gripped by my sweaty palm while the other tried to hold onto Fenrir in a desperate way. The first enemy didn't even reach my swords blade for he was killed by Fenrirs teeth. We fought our way through the enemy lines. Suddenly I saw my Father sitting very quiet on his white stallion. I wanted to run over to him and see if he was alright but then all of a sudden he pushed his feet into the side of his horse and they were gone in a flash, they simply disappeared in the mass of sweaty bodies of fighting grunting and groaning men.  
Loki felt fear creeping up on him. ''Fenrir! You have to find Laufey! I have a bad feeling!''  
The wolf simply barked and smelled in the air. Fenrir tried to distinguish between the thousands of smells and started running.

.

''I do not fear you Odin! I will fight you with my last breath! And even if you should kill me now, that doesn't mean a thing and you know that! Because then my sons will revenge me and they will end this story of hate! They will divorce you from your regal rights and Loki shall be free! So take your sword and fight! King against King. Crown against Crown ... And Father against Father.''

Odin drew his sword from its sheath and kept his gaze fixed upon Laufey.

''It is an honour to draw swords against you again. It seems like such a long time ago when we met like this. I remember it well; we were younger and so hot headed. You are right there will be no tomorrow for some of us and some may continue this bloody story. I hope that whoever may continue will give the story a happy ending. So let's not talk about it anymore, enough words have been said and enough tears have been shed. Let's let metal speak on our behalf.''

The both climbed down from their horses and took a hold of their swords. They both let the cool metal slide from their sheath and held it in front of them.  
Laufey stood very still and waited for Odins first blow, which was soon to come. He waited and with a fast movement he was on his knees and tried to block an overhead blow from Odin.  
He held his sword tight between his fingers and his palms felt sweaty as he pushed against the hard hit against the upper part of his sword. He was slowly getting up again and pushed with all his might against Odins strength and was soon on his feet again. Blow after blow, hit after hit. They were fighting like madman possessed. Laufey moved forward, carefully observing Odins footwork and trying to outmanoeuvre him somehow. But Odins brutal strength was too much for him, and it was pushing him back again. He felt strength leaving him slowly and he was starting to breath hard and his hands were starting to loos grip on his sword.

''You are old Laufey.''

''Not as old as you might think Odin.''

They were both breathing hard and sweat was pouring from their foreheads. Laufey knew that he didn't have much time left and there wasn't much strength left in his bones. He put all his remaining strength in this on last blow. He screamed and threw himself against Odin. But the other was able to block it again.

Odin pushed the other away from his body and groaned. He held his long silver sword in front of him and took some steps towards Laufey. ''This must come to an end now.''  
He raised the sword up above his head and the metal was cutting trough air and blue flesh.  
It seemed time stood still as the King of Jotenheim fell. Laufey sank to his knees and blinked a few times to look at around and realized the other fallen Joten warriors around him. He coughed up some blood and blinked away the salty substance that was pouring from his eyes. ''I will... never... stop believing... in my sons.''  
His body fell to the muddy ground with a simply thud and with that all life has left the royal body.

''NOOO!'' Lokis cry was loud and desperate as he saw Laufey fall.  
''No... No! Fenrir run!'' The wolf ran, even though he knew that all help would come too late for Laufey. In front of the fallen man he stopped and let Loki get off.

Loki fell to his knees and took the lifeless body of his Father into his arms. For just a short moment he wanted to mourn the great loss of his true Father, the man who truly believed in him and supported him. He looked up into Odins face who still stood there, bloody sword tightly grasped in his hand. No emotions were visible on his face. Loki took his father's sword and stood up. ''You will pay for this! NOW!''

.  
.

Helbindi was trying to hold up the west wing of their front and was busy not to loos to many of his man as another group of Valkyries ran them over. They were too many and too powerful. He tried to encourage his men not to give up hope and to stay in line. He tried to scream over the sounds of battle to stay together and to be brave and strong.  
If only Loki would hurry...  
Suddenly he felt a mighty hit of an axe or something hit him on the back. But luckily it wasn't the blade. Helbindi immediately turned around to see who was attacking him and his eyes fell upon a familiar face. It was one of the men that were at the 'negotiation', what was his name again, Hogun! He lifted the axe again and smashed it against Helbindis front. Helbindi reacted fast and blocked the blow. He groaned at the force and had to take a few steps back. He was out of breath already and now this... He held his sword in front of him to protect himself but every blow of the axe was stronger and stronger. He felt his strength leaving him and he knew that he had to attack soon otherwise it would be Helbindi himself that would join his comrades dead on the ground. He pulled together all his strength and attacked Hogun and was able to cut off the armour from his chest.  
''Well done Jotun scum. But not well enough. You will die now!''

''I don't think so!''

With eyes wide open and all his concentration focused on the next attack, on the next possible movement of the enemy, Helbindi tried to catch his breath. Hogun launched forward to slam his axe into the blue skin. Helbindi moved fast and jumped to the side. The nearly deadly blow missed him only by centimetres. Immediately he got up again, to hold his sword in front of him.  
''I am not so easy to kill!''

''We will see.''

They launched at each other again.  
The sound of metal clashing and desperate screaming, fighting and killing was omnipresent as Helbindi realized the axe breaking his shield and cutting through his skin. He groaned and touched the deep wound at his left side, but still he didn't give up. He screamed and let his sword collide with Hoguns axe again and again. He felt sick as he saw the other grin and that only gave his rage more fuel. With even more hate and vigour he launched at the other man and brought down blow after blow. He didn't mind the blood that was dripping from his open wound, but he realized how a sudden change came upon the Asgardien. He looked frighten and as if pure shock and terror was written upon his face. He stood still and terrified. Helbindi turned around to look what has brought such change upon the other warriors mind. There he saw Lokis third son. The huge snake, Jörmungand was moving towards them and his gaze was fixed upon the blacked haired Asgardien.  
Jörmungand looked down at Helbindi and back at Hogun. It was a very short moment but Helbindi felt as if the snake realized that this man has hurt him and that he didn't have any strength left to fight the Asgardien warrior. Even though he was on a horrible battlefield, a gigantic snake was towering over him and he was deadly wounded he felt save somehow.  
The snake lowered his head and showed his deadliest weapons. His teeth were shining white and with one gulp he was swallowing the Asgardien warrior.

Jörmungand lowered his head and Helbindi understood the simply gesture. Swiftly he moved to get on top of the head of the gigantic snake and be out of any more danger. He didn't think that he would be of any more use to his men in the state that he currently was in.

''You know... I am your uncle... or something like that. I really like you and your siblings.''

He could have imaged things but he really thought that he heard a low chuckle erupting from the snakes' mouth.

.  
.

**TBC**

I really love Lokis kids. xD  
The next chapter is going to be the last one.  
Somehow that makes me sad.


	13. Chapter 12 - yesterdays feelings

I have lost all sense of time.  
The fight with Odin seemed to carry on forever, but neither of us wanted to give up.  
Blow after blow was exchanged and soon we were both standing before each other panting, breathing hard and both wounded badly. I held my wounded leg and tried to catch my breath, while my other hand was holding my sword tightly in my sweaty palm.

''Yield and I will allow you a death without much pain!''

''You must be horrible mistaken Loki, if you think that I will simply give up.''

I bit my lip and tasted blood. I raised my sword and started to run towards my enemy.  
My body was already drenched in mud, dirt and my own blood, but still more and more of the ugly combination joined in on my skin. As I ran over the muddy ground that was soaked with red water I felt my stomach turn and clench. I was looking around and realized all the dead faces that were looking up to me. I was walking on broken bones and my feet were baptized in blood. I tried to breathe normal but all I took in was the bitter smell of death that was lingering over the entire scene. Was I cursed? Was this really my destiny? Should death really be my only companion? My eyes were trying to focus on Odin who was running towards me. Sword raised up high, screaming with wild vigour. His mighty steps took him towards me fast. I had to find my focus again.  
I shook my head, groaned and pushed my heels into the muddy ground. I would not yield to him. Not now. Never!

''For Thor!''

I let my sword crash down on Odin with all the strength I had left in me and saw how the long silver blade of the King broke in two. I saw how my own blade sank into his flesh and made him groan in pain. The form of the great King slowly sank down with groaning, my sword still deeply embedded in his body. I paused in this moment of satisfaction. Finally I have reached my goal - revenge. My whole body was shivering from exhaustion. But also the deep wounds that Odin has inflected on me now showed their impact. I withdrew and took some steps back, away from the kneeling man. I looked down on him and tried to catch my breath.

''I will leave you now. You have what you wanted. This shall be the end of this bloodshed. '' Suddenly I felt tears running down my cheeks and my chest was hurting, the heavy burden was slowly falling off me. I was looking down on the man who was kneeling in front of me. A huge ugly wound was decorating his chest. It was bleeding furiously and blood was seeping into his tunic and his armour. His grey hair was in disarray and his eye was half closed. Even if I was disgusted by him and what he has done I felt sadness as I was looking at his pitiful being. ''You could have prevented all this. You could have stopped it. Why didn't you? Why didn't you take me into your arms when I begged you? Why didn't you listen to me when I asked you to? Why did you have to send me into banishment and why...Why did you have to kill your own son?!'' I tried to repress the tears that were burning in my eyes but I wasn't able to do so any longer. ''I know what you will say and I know that this answer will not bring my any happiness. This battle is not one of glory... I can see that now. It has just brought death and misery. But I guess that it was my fault too, that it was my rage, inflected by your bitterness and idleness, your complete neglecting of wisdom that has driven me to this point of no return. Your face shows no emotion even now. Will you not show any feelings to me even now when death is so close?'' A bitter laugh was leaving my lips. ''Am I the child of chaos?'' But Odin didn't answer. My gaze was fixed upon the man in front of me. I fell to my knees and was at the same level now with Odin. ''I will not let you die before you answer me!'' I screamed at him and looked into his cold blue eye. ''Answer me!'' I grabbed his collar and lifted him up a bit.

Odin coughed and choked on blood that was making its way into his lungs. ''If you ... have to ask... then you already have your... answer.'' He wasn't able to keep his eyes open any longer and closed them. His last strength has left the old body and went limp into Lokis arms.

I stared at the dead man and slowly let go of the dead flesh that lay lifelessly in my arms. I laid him down and pulled out the sword that was still embedded in his chest. My eyes were still blown wide and my breathing was still going fast in irregular. I was still completely shaken by Odins last words and my whole body was shaking. In this moment I wished Thor would be with me more than ever. He knew what to do in such moments. I kneeled there in a mixture of blood and dirt and everything around me was crumbling. My whole existents were slowly breaking down. ''Thor... I miss you... so much.'' I hid my face behind my hands and wept.

For thousands of years we have been together. We have played together, lived and fought together. I was never the one good at fighting at the front lines of war. I was the one who stayed behind working on strategies. While Thor enjoyed a bloody battlefield I was more likely to stay at home and enjoyed the company of my many books. We always were complete opposites but I always felt so drawn to him. I found myself often in conflicts and fights with one of the Aesir and each and every time it was Thor who came to calm down the hot headed oafs. I will not deny that sometimes it may have been my own fault but what can I do if Lady Sif isn't capable of understanding a little joke. It wasn't like her hair would never grow back,... And her new golden hair was indeed much more beautiful. '_well, were ever she is now she wouldn't be in need of any hair..._ '  
But at least Thor was always with me. But now I cannot even say that! I was alone. No!  
I had to try and find Helbindi! Hel! Fenrir and Jörmungand!

.  
With my leg badly wounded and deep wounds on my upper body I was limping back to the centre of the battlefield were war was still raging. I was watching how the remaining Jotuns fought bravely against the masses of Asgardiens and Einherjar. The warriors of Niflheim fought a desperate battle against the Valkyries. In that chaos I was looking for my Daughter and my sons. Suddenly I heard a loud scream and the voice was sadly all too familiar to my ears. I turned around and saw the Einherjar attacking my son Jörmungand.  
The massive body of the snake was crashing down on the battlefield and was burying most of it underneath it. My heart broke a little bit more as I had to stand witness the death of my own son. ''Was it not possible that so much flesh could contain a little bit more life? Oh my poor son now it seems to be my turn to mourn the loss of a child.''

With my body battered and broken and almost no air left to breath in my lungs I made my way to where my son lay dead. I touched the silky skin and sat down next to the huge massive snake.  
But suddenly I heard a muffled groan that came from nearby. I held on to the dead body behind me to get up again, to see where this sound was coming from. I was in complete shock when I realized that this moaning and groaning was coming from underneath a huge pile of dead bodies. And it gave me an even greater shock when I recognized Helbindis sword just a few feet away from where I stood. Tears stung in my eyes when I tried to get up from my knees to get some of the dead flesh of his torso. I screamed in pure agony when the mass of the dead men fell against me but I pushed them away from me and they fell to the ground next to us.  
''Helbindi! Brother! Please answer me!''  
There was no answer first, but when I touched his cheek he slowly opened his eyes to look at me.  
''Loki,...my dearest Brother, is that you?''  
''Yes! It is me. Do not worry I will not leave you.''  
I moved closer to him and took of my battered cloak to give him at least something to cover his bruised body. I took his hand in mine and looked at his face which was fully covered in mud, dirt and blood.

''Loki? I am afraid.''

''Afraid? What are you afraid of Brother?''

His grip on my hand was weak, barley was I able to feel it and with each passing second it was getting weaker. I was trying my hardest to keep the last bit of composure that was left in my body.

''Loki, I am dying.''

I didn't know what to say to him. The ability to speak must have left me too, just like most of my strength has left my body, because even though my lips moved no words left the creator of words.

''I feel it... My body is broken and I have no more strength left in me to heal myself. I am a dead man brother. Let me die a warriors death, give me my sword.''

I simply nodded and looked around on the battle field around us to find his sword.  
I found it laying a few feet away from us and started to crawl towards it to grasp it and made my way back to Helbindi.

''Here Brother. Your sword.''

''I thank thee Loki.  
Do you think we will see each other again? I know you believe that... '' He was breathing hard and after coughing several times he started to spit blood. I took him into my arms and his hand was again resting in mine. ''...I.. I know that you believe that you will see Thor again. Do you... Do you think that we two might meet again someday as well?''

I squeezed his hand and with a sad smile and pressed my face against his cheek. ''Yes Brother. I believe so.''

''Then I will wait for you.''

''Yes... Yes, please do. I will find you.''

''I'm sure... you ...wi...''

Suddenly it was silent and no more words left my Brothers princely lips. I held him close to me and I shed bitter tears for my lost friend. Only then, in the horrible painful position I was sitting in, I realised the burning pain in my side and my chest. I laid down the body of my dead brother next to me and rolled on my back. I still held his dead hand in mine while I gazed at the firmament.

With each second that passed away I felt my heart beat slowing down. I was staring at the bleeding sky and with each cloud that got lost somewhere over the far away horizon I felt my life slip away.  
I watched how the clouds burned away and I listened to the men die around me.  
I heard how some of them took their last breaths and how some of them begged the great Gods to lead them into the golden halls of Valhalla.

''Oh welcoming darkness, take away my last breath,  
take away all thoughts of hatred and pain,  
take away all my misery and let me die.  
Goddess of Darkness, who I shall recognise as my daughter,  
you will come to take away all my tears.  
Let me not linger here a second longer in this fortress  
I have built myself of revenge and love long lost.  
Take me with you into blessed darkness of forgetting.  
Lead me to places where I can rest my head on pillows made of sugar  
and show me the land of sweet sleep -  
until the day comes when I may rise again to be myself again.  
Oh blessed darkness, take my broken body now,  
let it rest in the halls of eternal sleep.  
But let sleep not be a timeless rest,  
for my heart is bound to an eternal promise.  
Darkness is covering my eyes now,  
I can feel the blessed peace of loneliness and easiness.  
Forgetfulness is taking my mind away and sweeps away  
all my life to the endless see of a Neverland.  
Where I came from I will go to,  
and what has been lost I will find again.  
Heaviness is pulling on my limbs.  
I feel I must die now.  
But I am not afraid.  
I will embrace death –I know when I close my eyes for the very last time,  
I will see Thor again.  
Let me be reunited with my Brother, my Father and...  
with Thor...  
Thor...''

''Are you ready to come with me now, Father?''

I heard the sweet melody of my Daughters voice and as I looked upon her face I saw tears running down her pale cheeks.

''Yes... Daughter. Take me with you. There is nothing for me here.''

Her face wore a sweet smile and she slowly knelt down next to me and took my hand in her smaller ones. ''I will take care of you. No one will hurt you anymore.''

I reached out for her and gently combed some of her raven hair behind her ear. I looked at her beautiful, sweet face and gently caressed her cheek.

''It is time... Hel. Let me go.''

''Yes ... Father.''

I was slowly closing my eyes and darkness was engulfing me. My limbs felt so heavy and I was finally letting go of everything that bound me to this shell of flesh and bones. I heard someone calling my name, over and over again... Time was running by so fast and at the same time it seemed like it was standing still. I was running, running towards that voice. All I could think about was; how to finally reach him, who was calling for me so desperately. I wanted to see him again. I wanted to be with him again.

When would I be allowed to reach you?

_End?_

_A.N: This is the last chapter of TRY, O.o I really cannot believe that I have finished this. I remember joking around with aeron4, saying that I wouldn't write long stories,.. xDD oh weeell... _

_Please tell me what you think; leave a review! :O) _


	14. Epilogue - Noises and Kisses

**.Epilogue . **

''Hey Chris! What's wrong?''  
''Hmm? Oh, Nothin' I just thought that I knew this guy over there. He just seemed really familiar, ya know?''

Liam turned his head around and tried to see the man that Chris was talking about. He only saw a tall blond haired man. His short curly hair was looking funny, well at least that's what Liam thought.  
He wore tight black jeans and a white button up shirt. 'Must be some british guy...' Liam thought. ''Why did ya think ya knew that guy?''

Chris stood still and his gaze was fixed upon that man on the other side of the street.  
''I... don't know... I just thought I knew him... from somewhere.''  
While his eyes couldn't leave the stranger moving on the other side of the street, his heart was pounding like crazy.

.

Sometimes he had dreams of another life. A life he couldn't remember. Sometimes he remembered feverish kisses and frantic touches under golden trees. Places that he had never seen and never visited in his entire life, but they seemed so extremely familiar that he could almost smell the fresh air and taste the dew on the green grass.  
There were always two men, one of them was clearly himself, but on the other hand it was not him at all. He wore an amore and a deep red cloak. His blond hair was reaching his shoulders and in his hand was resting something solid, something that resembled a hammer.  
Then there was this other man that was making him crazy. He was the personification of beauty. He must be some kind of god, because the grace with which he walked and moved was not from this time and space. He couldn't be anything else but an angel. He had raven black hair, dark green eyes and his skin was aristocratic pale. A fine royal-like formed chin, sharp cheekbones and a very delicate defined nose. Even the heavenly choirs would stop singing to behold his beauty. His whole body was of such delicacy that it took his breath away. Just thinking of this sweet pale skin was making him hot and giddy. How he dreamed of letting his fingers caress the fine cheeks and let his hands comb through the silky black hair. How much did he desire to hold the slender form against his own body...

Yes Chris was sure that this life that he was sometimes dreaming of was no dream at all. He was sometimes hoping that sleep would come soon and that he would dream of this man again. It was so weird to be in love with a man that didn't really exist but right now it wasn't so weird at all...because that man on the other side of the street resembled his 'dream-man' so much that he feared his heart might just jump out of his chest.

And in that moment the blond haired man turned around and looked at him.  
Their eyes met and Chris stared at the most beautiful green eyes he has ever seen.

.

**End**

**A.N.: I want to say thank you again to aeron4, because you really gave me the courage to put down the words that were in my head for such a long time.  
Well now that it's done I actually feel very happy that I did it.  
I know that Thunderfrost isn't your favorite pairing and so it just means so much more to me that I am allowed to drive you nuts you with my Thunderfrost obsession.  
Thank you for everything my dear. *hugs***

**Well this really is the last chapter of TRY, It gives me mixed feelings I have to admit.  
****I am sad that it's over now.. but I am happy that Loki and Thor will be together again, and that I have actually really finished this story! So yeeeaayy! xD  
I hope you had a good time reading it because I had such a good time writing it!  
Please leave a review and tell me what you think! **


End file.
